Emotionless
by unpublishedWRITTER
Summary: 'James is my Super Man. And just like in the movies, he's the only one who can save me, the vulnerable Lois Lane.' Katie pretended to be fine. It's too bad James isn't fooled by her act. And now, he wants to know why is she so emotionless. Jatie-fic.
1. Chapter 1

**WOOOOOHOOOOOO NEW STORY ! So this is completely different from what I usually write but I'm kinda liking it. This is actually based on a book that I wrote. Parts of the story are the same and the plot is slightly different because I had to adjust it to make it fit with the whole BTR thing and all. So if at some point you notice that I made a mistake by forgetting to change the name of a caracter in future chapters, I am really sorry and I would really appreciate it if you would let me know so I can take care of it. **

**Oh and by the way, I have absolutely no idea why do we have to mention disclaimers because DUUUUHHHHHH nobody in Fanfiction owns anything ! But yeah whatever, this is basically just to say that I do not own BTR. **

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><p>"Hey are you okay?"<p>

"Huh? What? Um, yeah I'm okay." I replied shyly. James must have noticed the sadness on my face for asking that question. _Why?_ Why only _he_ can see the truth beneath my act?

"It's not good to be sad. Life is great!" James exclaimed.

_Sure_, I thought. If he had my life he wouldn't say that. Maybe before everything fell apart I would have agreed with him but now all I can do is just stare at his gorgeous eyes and then ignore him like I usually do. It's not that I don't like James but he can get really annoying and as happy-go-lucky as Carlos. He makes things look like it's all good and that he has control over everything. He never has to worry about anything. I wonder what would happen to him if he's happy little world crashes down one day. It will be weird to see him upset.

My life wasn't always a downhill. I had a wonderful life and a couple of problems that made things seem like it's the end of the world but now I realize that they were nothing compare to the pain I have now. I try my best to do what I can to ease the ache but it keeps on coming back.

I had a great family. My parents and my brother were always there for me and, of course, for each other. But, as we all know; things change.

I don't remember exactly what had happened but when I would arrive home from school my dad would always be drunk. Right when I would walk through the door, I can notice the faint smell of alcohol in the air. He was always sprawled on the kitchen table with a bottle of beer in his hand. Mom and Kendall never knew about this because she finishes work at 10 and he would always spend his evenings at Carlos, James or Logan's house. It gave me enough time to sober him up and get him in bed. I didn't say anything either because dad threatened me. Despite the effects of alcohol, he knew that he was highly intoxicated and most importantly, he sure as hell knew who I was and where the knives were placed. I can still remember when he first took out the kitchen knife and pressed it against my throat.

"Stay unimportant and don't mention this to anyone." he slurred in my ear. I was always a tough girl. I didn't let fear show but I was trembling on the inside. I held on to my tears until I was out of his sight. Soon enough this became part of my regular routine. It wasn't so bad at first because I only had to deal with emotional abuse. But when he started putting that knife to use, I couldn't help but put my guard down. I would cry and beg him to stop. He left his mark on my back, my stomach but the worst parts were underneath my arms. Instead of just making random cuts, he carved the words _mistake_ and _useless_ on them.

I think it was at around the third week mark when mom and Kendall found out about dad's addiction. He was once again unconscious on the table while I was in the bathroom taking care of my new cut when I heard the front door open. My heart stopped beating as I was frozen in front of the sink. They weren't supposed to be here. Not yet. Not now.

"Mom, what's wrong with dad?" I heard Kendall ask.

"Kevin? Kevin, wake up!" mom said loudly. I heard more complains from Kendall, more of mom trying to wake up dad and then some grunting. Soon enough my parents were yelling at each other and you can hear Kendall in the background screaming too.

"Mom, where's Katie?" Kendall shouted over them. I was still immobile and I had no intentions of moving, simply because I couldn't. I didn't know what to do. Am I just supposed to act like my alcoholic dad hasn't been abusing me for the past three weeks when my mom and brother weren't home?

"Katie?" I looked at my brother who had fear and worry written all over his face, standing by the doorway. "No, no, no, no, no." he kept on repeating when he approached me. I held on to him and cried.

"I'm sorry Kendall. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. He just… I couldn't… He wouldn't let me… I'm sorry." I kept on whimpering. He hugged me as tight as possible and soothed my hair, trying to calm me down.

"You didn't do anything wrong Katie. It's not your fault. I should've protected you. I'm so sorry I didn't protect you. Stop crying. Please, Katie." he said when he finally let me go. He wiped away my tears but they kept on coming down. He looked at the cut I was healing and then ran his fingers on it. I winced at the sting and he immediately removed his hand.

"Mom! Mom, you have come help Katie!" he screamed. In a flash, mom was by my side, hugging me and crying.

"Why didn't you say anything honey?" mom asked. By now, she has kicked dad out of the house and taken care of my cut. I am way shorter than Kendall so he easily managed to carry me to his bedroom because I still wouldn't move.

"He wouldn't let me. I'm sorry mom." I wanted to tell them. I wanted all of the pain to stop but I couldn't when I know how stronger he is than me. I didn't stand a chance against him.

"Don't be sorry honey. You didn't do anything wrong."

"None of this is your fault." he comforted me. The rest of the evening went on like this until I was getting tired. Kendall let me sleep with him for the night.

"He won't hurt you anymore. I won't let him hurt you anymore baby sister." Kendall whispered as he wrapped his arm around me. I smiled at the nickname he gave me when we were younger. We are twins but he will always be my big brother and me his baby sister.

"Promise?"

"I promise."

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><p><strong>I didn't really want this chapter to end like this because I wanted more of Katie and James but it's essential to know what happened to her in the past in order to understand what is going on with her right now. Next chapter, if it turns out the way I hope it will, there will be more Jatie.<strong>

**Oh, I should probably mention that I love reviews... So if you want to do that... yeah... Have fun ;D**


	2. Chapter 2

**WAZZAAAAAAAAA :D HI ! **

**So after two months, I finally have a new chapter. I didn't want to update this late but I wanted to finish my other story, Big Time Gift Hunt first**. **So yeah, this chapter is a bit of a filler chapter but it also introduces my OC's who are Katie's friends and I might make them have a relationship with the guys.**

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><p><strong>Katie's POV<strong>:

School dragged as usual and now I have to go back to that crazy house of mine. Mr. Bitters wouldn't let me go to the Palmwoods school even if I got that commercial gig.

As I was heading to the bus, I was slightly surprised to see James in his car, honking at me and calling my name. My school is right beside Rocque Records but our schedule never work out to ride together. I don't really mind taking the bus. In fact, I prefer it. I don't want people to befriend me because I'm close with celebrities.

"Hey, Kit-Kat, want a ride?" he asked. I always take the bus home with my friends and when I looked at them, they were giving me a suspicious eye. It's like they're saying "Better explain young lady!" So instead of accepting I said, "Sorry James, maybe some other time. I promised my friends I'd ride with them. Bye!"and hurried back to my friends.

"What was that?" Rain asked.

See what I mean? I've seen that suspicious eye many times and I can easily tell that one of their small crises is coming up soon.

"What was what?"

"What do you mean what was what? That completely hot guy, who by the way you have to introduce me to, was offering you a ride home!" Kestrel said.

"Yeah and I said no." I knew they would have made a big deal out of this. It was the main reason I didn't go with him because they would've made an even bigger deal if I did.

"You have serious problems! Mr. Sex-On-Legs asked you if he can bring you home!" Kestrel nodded in agreement with Rain.

James is hot and also very good looking. There's no doubt about that. He isn't the face of Big Time Rush for nothing. He has clear hazel eyes and dark brown hair that looks so soft you can't help but want to touch it. He has a clean face; shaved and acne free. And best of all, he's tall, tanned and has a smile and abs that can rock any girl's world.

Tall, dark and handsome.

"Well, it's not really bringing me home since he lives with me." I mumbled.

"WHAT?"

"How do I put this in words you can understand?" I asked. "Okay, so my house equals James' house." I continued, enunciating each word slowly.

"So he's your brother?" Kestrel asked.

"Not really."

"So what is he?"

"He's one my brother's best friend."

"Why does he live with you?"

"He just does…" I said. I already gave out too much. My high school rules are pretty simple.

1- Stay guarded.

2- Don't mention the guys.

3- Don't invite anyone over.

4- It doesn't matter that they are good friends.

Now because of James, I just broke rule number two.

"I think I'm going to move in with you Katie." Rain joked. She's the type of girl that always chases after boys but still has her boundaries. Kestrel is just like her. Some people say that they might even be sisters since they practically have the same personalities. It's impossible to have a conversation with them without the mention of some boy's name.

"Good luck." I replied in a monotone voice.

Nobody truly knows my life and I don't intend them to know anything about it. I'm a closed book. I'm not someone who would tell all of my secrets to the world. I feel uncomfortable exposing myself like that, so I just try to keep everything in my thoughts. So far, everything is going as planned. I guess I can call myself a pretty good actress. Nobody suspects anything. Well, except James but he's still sort of clueless. I just hope that he won't be able to uncover the truth.

**James' POV:**

I really thought she would say yes. Why should she take the bus when I have a car and we live together? Maybe she didn't want to leave her friends? But, come on I think they would've understood. On the up side she did say that I can give her a ride some other time. I just have to make some changes around my schedule to make it compatible with hers.

I've always wondered what happened to Katie. She used to be a happy girl. But now, she always looks upset, like she's carrying a lot on her shoulders. I really wish that I can find a way to comfort her or at least get her to talk to me. Every time I try to make a conversation with her she just says one or two words, stares at me and then ignores me. Some people would find her very boring if she'd always answer like that but I find it cute.

Although she talks and acts like a very serious and sad person, she still tries her best to look happy in front of us and her friends. I can see her smiling and laughing but everything is written in her eyes. They're always distant and you just know that something is wrong. Unlike the guys and her friends, I don't fall for her act. Do they not realize that every morning her eyes are red and puffy like she's been crying all night? You don't hear her and she always locks her bedroom door but I know there are tears that have been shed.

Even if I have a set of my own problems, I need to help her. I have to help her.

She's important to me. She's the one that encouraged me into pursuing my dream as an artist and also concentrating on my studies. Okay, I admit that I just sounded like a geek but I know that Katie likes smart guys. So I might as well be smart enough for her. I'm not Logan smart but my grades are fairly high.

When I first met her on one of my hang-outs with Kendall, Logan and Carlos, she was outside of her house, on the porch reading a book. She was wearing a purple sundress and she had a cassette player by her side. Her hair was braided and tied in pigtails and on top of that was her headphones. The setting was almost perfect; the only thing missing was the nerdy glasses. So just like any other 6-year old boy would do when they see a nerdy girl reading a book, I went up to her and teased her.

"Reading isn't boring if the story is interesting. It's like television in your head." she said before turning back to her book.

"Reading is for nerds! Only cool kids play outside and have fun!" I really shouldn't be saying that because Logan liked to read books and he was already my best friend by then but he stilled played hockey with us and hung out all the time.

"And you think you're a cool kid? I hope that when you will be in high school you will not be the cool kid that don't do well and end up redoubling a grade." When she answered me, I remember feeling so stupid! She was already thinking of high school whereas I was thinking about what we will have for supper. She amazed me because I never thought that someone at her age would be that serious. I mean even Logan slacked from time to time.

"High school is still far." I argued.

"Yes, but time can pass by just like that." she said and snapped her fingers on the word "that".

"Why are you so serious?" I asked her.

"Because I don't want to be like Billy." she answered without taking her eyes off what she was reading.

"Who's Billy?"

"Billy is the man who used to live in the next house. He's 33-years old and he still lived with his mom. She died a couple of months ago and now Billy can't pay for his house or anything. Mom says Billy is trying to make some money by doing bad things. Billy's mom told me before that he's like that because he didn't work hard when he was in school. She said that he was always goofing off with his friends and he never did his homework or studied for quizzes. She said that he didn't follow his dreams to be a fire fighter. Billy's mom cried when she told me about him."

"Why did Billy's mom cry?" I asked.

"I don't know. Mom said it was because she loves him but people don't cry when they love someone. They should be happy." After that I asked her about the book she was reading, what was she listening to and what other things she liked to do. On that day, we became friends and I had my first crush.

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><p><strong>So like I said in the previous chapter, this story is based on a book that I've written. And, in my book the main characters met when they were 10 years old. I didn't want Katie and James to be the same age because it didn't seem right for the guys to meet at that age. I'm mentioning this because Katie seems to speak fairly well for a 6-year old so please just bear with me. <strong>

**I know that lots of you wanted more Jatie and I really tried putting as much as possible but don't worry there's definitely going to be more of them. They'll be hanging out, James will flirt (DUH IT'S JAMES), rumors will spread, etc, etc.**

**So yeah, enough said. Review please ? It's Logan's birthday so yeah reviewing this chapter will be like giving him a birthday gift... or not...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, it's official I am the biggest procrastinator in the entire planet. Instead of studying for my biology lab test, I am uploading this chapter. AH GASHHH SOMEONE PLEASE FIND A CURE FOR PROCRASTINATION !**

**So I'll just leave you guys with the chapter.**

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><p><strong>Katie's POV:<strong>

When I went out of my room this morning I was surprised to see James sitting by the kitchen counter.

"Uh, morning James." I greeted in a tone that clearly showed that I was questioning his presence. Nobody is ever up when I leave for school, especially not one of the guys. As opposed to most normal high schools, the Palmwoods School starts at 10 instead of 8 and because the guys go to the studio right after, they always come home late and take advantage of all of the hours of sleep they can get.

"Good morning Katie." James smiled brightly, completely ignoring my silent question.

"What are you doing here?"

"I am here to pursue my dreams of being famous. Duh!" Should I feel insulted right now?

"No, I meant here in the kitchen at 7:30 in the morning. Duh!" I answered back, while crossing my arms. It's a habit I do when I feel even the slightest urge to punch someone.

"Oh that," he said. Yeah loser, that. "I'm here to drive you to school. You know we work right beside your school but you never even asked if you can catch a ride with us or something. It would save you money you know, instead of buying a monthly pass for the bus."

"You don't go to the recording studio at the same time as I do and you all have better stuff to do than bring me to school." I stated. A slightly hurt look crossed his eyes. I didn't mean for my voice to sound cold or offensive, I was just stating the facts.

"I… I don't get to see you anymore… I know that you leave at 7:30 and I usually get up by that time so I just thought that waking up a couple of minutes earlier won't hurt. And, Gustavo always gives us breaks by the time your school ends so I can drop you home and come back. I really won't mind but it all depends on you…" he said quickly but quietly. Now I felt really bad. I became a bit distant from the guys ever since the dad incident happened. When we moved to LA, I knew that being in a whole new different place, the only people I'll be able to count on were them so I tried getting closer again. I guess I waited too long because now they were the ones that are keeping their distance.

"How do you know I leave school at 7:30? Stalker much?" I teased him to show that I'm not mad.

"Nope, it just so happens that you make a lot of noise when you leave." he smirked.

"Is that so?"

"Yep, now come I'm gonna have to do a lot of speeding to get you to school on time." he said as he pointed behind my head to the clock. Crap it's already 7:40! I wasn't going to accept his offer but now I can't turn it down now, unless I want to be late for my first class.

"Have I ever told you that I love your car?" I told James after we sprinted to his gorgeous BMW.

"No you haven't but I've seen you drool over It." he laughed.

"What! I have not! You've probably mistaken me for Alison. Some people say we look alike. You know what with the whole long layered light auburn hair thing." I joked.

"Nope, I'm pretty sure it was you. You know I'm glad to see you actually joke."

"What do you mean by "_actually joke"_?"

"Well, it's been awhile since you've said a joke around me. All you do is ignore me. It's like we were never friends." he said with a bit of disappointment in his tone.

"Oh. Sorry. I didn't know you felt that way. It's just, you know, better if I ignore." I replied, feeling like a complete jerk. I didn't know that he wanted us to be friends. Well, actually I thought we were friends but he chose not to. And I only ignore him because of what he said to me a couple of years back. Also, I don't want him to learn more about me because he already knows too much just by knowing when I'm upset.

"It's okay. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. But you know your act doesn't work around me." he said.

"What act?"

"That one. That act that shows that you're completely clueless and that you're not always thinking about something." _Oh crap_, I thought. I can't fool him now. Why don't my acting skills work on him?

"Okay." I just said. I couldn't find anything else to say. _Please, Lord, don't make him ask me about it, please!_ I really wouldn't be able to tell him anything or even react to what he will say.

"All I want to know is," Ah man! I knew my prayers won't get answered this time. "If you're okay?" That wasn't what I was expecting him to say. Not much people have asked me that in a while. Most of them would ask me what's wrong or what happened. It's kind of nice to hear something different.

"Do I not look okay?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Never mind then." As our conversation was ending he pulled up at the front of the school in record time. When I got out, we said goodbye and that we'll see each other later.

Sadly, today is a nice day which means that Kestrel and Rain are outside sitting on the bench and of course, they saw me with James.

**James' POV:**

Before I left, I saw girls who I am assuming are Katie's friends look at me and then back at her. One of them was a short girl with a cute baby face and olive skin. The other is slightly taller with cat-like green eyes and long black hair and bangs covering her forehead. I nodded at them when their gaze shifted back to me. They waved absent mindedly. Their faces were pretty funny so I chuckled and then I heard them screaming excitedly at Katie. I guess girls only notice the things that have something to do with boys.

"Hey James." Carlos greeted when I got back to the apartment.

"Hey man."

"Where'd you go? Did you have a breakfast date?" he said while wiggling his eyebrows. Although he may be the innocent one of the group, Carlos always has the wrong image in his mind. He's a nice guy and all but he can never think straight. If girls actually knew some of his thoughts, I don't think they would all be drooling about him.

"No, I just dropped Katie off at school."

"Katie? As in Kendall's little sister Katie?" he asked.

"Do we know another Katie?" I said as I sat down beside him on the sofa.

"Why'd you bring her to school?"

"I just want to spend more time with her." God, what's up with all of the questions?

"You want to what? Are you two going out now? We all know that you have a big crush on her but there's huge possibility that Kendall will shred you to pieces just like a dinosaur would do to his food!" he said just as Logan came out of his room.

"What you guys talking about? I heard something about a chick." Logan and Carlos sort of have a good understanding. When it comes to girls Logan is all over them.

"We were talking about James and Katie. I think our bro is finally going to make a move!" he stated with joy and worry at the same time.

"Ouh, someone is going to get a beat down for getting a certain best friend's sister to be his girlfriend." Logan added. I think I should be allowed to shoot my supposedly best friends.

"First of all, she's not my girlfriend and secondly, you guys really got to find yourself girls who will make you think of _them_ instead of _me_!" I said before going to my room. Kendall is bound to join us anytime soon and I am definitely not ready to face his wrath about something as small as driving Katie to school.

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><p><strong>TANANANUUUUUNNNNNN ! So I have a question to ask, in all of my Jatie stories, Kendall is cool about James and Katie being together, would you guys prefer that I keep my trademark of him being cool or would you like it better if Kendall was mad ? Anyways, let me know what you think by REVIEWING REVIEWING REVIEWING ! yeah, I had to say that three times...<strong>

**& I have a new Jatie one-shot called Where Are You? and also the sequel to Big Time Gift Hunt called Failed Attempts, go check that out if you want :)  
><strong>

**GUYS I FINALLY MADE MYSELF A TWITTER ACCOUNT ! It's mae_dc, let me know that you're a Fanfictionner so I can follow you back :) I might twit some snippets of upcoming chapters, new stories and just plain random ideas that pop in my head.**

**Anyways, I'm off to hit the books, good night/morning/afternoon or whatever time of day it is where you are!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I just wanted to put a chapter out so here it is, hopefully it isn't so bad...**

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><p><strong>Katie's POV:<strong>

**I'll be outside -J**, I read the text message James sent me right before the final bell rang. Kestrel and Rain attacked me with questions about James and I. They kept on going about how cute we would look together, if I like him, am I going out with him. It went on and on and on. I think they talked about James more times than they said their own names.

"James, I don't think it's a good idea that you drive me home." I told him when he answered my phone call.

"Why?"

"Well, it's just that my friends keep on bombarding me with questions. It's getting annoying."

"Since when do you care about what other people say?" I can't believe James actually knows that about me. How does he do it to figure me out?

"I don't, I'm just annoyed."

"Dude, just ignore them."

"Dude," I mimicked him, "it's not really easy to ignore someone who keeps on screaming in my ear and drooling all over you."

"They'll stop annoying you at some point and for the drooling well, what can I say, girls like all of this." I'll bet you my whole life-savings that he just did his weird spirit-fingers/jazz-hands thing when he said that.

"You're too sure of yourself. You know it's not good to be arrogant, you end up having a big head." I teased.

"Ouch! Anyways I'll be waiting or maybe you'll be waiting, you know depending on who gets there first." he said. James hung up before I got the time to reply but it doesn't matter. I'll just tell him to go back to the studio or something.

As I was grabbing my things from my locker to bring home, I heard someone cough. It was Chermaine Renolds. I wonder what she's doing here. Usually, she's outside smoking and flirting with some guys. She has a bad reputation here. They say she's been acting like a slut ever since sophomore year when her senior boyfriend dumped her for someone his own age.

"Are you the chick that's going out with James?" she asked. Oh gosh you've got to be kidding me! How the hell does she know about James?

"How do you know about James?" I asked with a slightly panicky tone. This is not supposed to happen. Nobody is supposed to know about the guys. Gosh, even Kestrel and Rain barely had any information on James and then this blonde bimbo comes up and asks about him!

"Here's the 411, James is mine. If you mess with me prepare yourself for a fight." Damn, I think James went out with this girl once. Stupid Mr. Sex-On-Legs can't keep his dick in his pants.

"Did you just threaten me?" I asked giving her an _Oh no you didn't!_ look.

"Yes, I did. Why you got a problem with that?"

"Of course I do!" No way is this girl going to try to intimidate me!

"Look, just stay away from my man and we won't have a problem. Understand?"

"Possessive much? Anyways, I don't remember hearing anything about James having a girlfriend presently." I humph.

"We are not official. Yet." Yeah, keyword: yet!

"You do know that you shouldn't claim something that isn't yours!"

"And you do know that you better watch that mouth of yours!"

"Or what?" I asked.

"Or my hand and your face will have to meet." Does she actually think I'm afraid of her? She's a freaking stick! Push her and she'll break in two pieces! I've already taken down some people twice her size!

"Go ahead." I smirked.

"Don't try me. You don't know me." I took a step forward and said "You don't know me either. And don't think I'm afraid of you, you little spaghetti!" A lot of people have already circled us and many of them are whispering to one another.

"Now, excuse me. James is waiting for me outside." I said before taking my bag and closing my locker.

I walked up to the passenger seat of Jay's car. He was already in there bobbing his head to the beat of the music.

"Hey!" he said.

"Hey, you know your girlfriend was about to beat me up."

"What? What girlfriend?"

"You're saying that as if you have a lot of girlfriends!" I laughed.

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean I don't have a girlfriend." he said.

"Well, you might want to tell Chermaine about that because apparently, you're hers." I stated, trying to imitate Chermaine's voice.

"Who?"

"Chermaine Renolds. Short, blonde hair, too much make-up, small boobs that she's always trying to make look bigger by popping her chest up but really it just makes her look like she has something up her ass, which by the way, shouldn't really be surprising considering the number of guys she has hooked up with."

"Is it that girl that has an eyebrow piercing but her eyebrows are penciled?" he asked. I burst out laughing because it's true. I mean how lame is getting an _EYEBROW_ piercing when you don't have one?

"Yeah, that's definitely her."

"I met her, or should I say she pathetically grinded up on me, at one of Guitar Dude's party. I pushed her off me numerous times but of course, she couldn't resist my awesome good looks and incredible charms." he said and winked.

"Ha! Really James you're arrogant. Anyways, if I'm murdered anytime soon please tell the police that Chermaine Renolds killed me." I joked.

"I'm starting to like the new you. You know; now that you're not so upset." Does he always have to mention the fact that he can tell that I'm sad? I get it James, I know I can't fool you but you don't need to rub it in.

"That's not really a new me. I'm always like that. You just happen to never realize it." I said matter-of-factly.

"I see you laughing and joking with the guys and your friends but I can see the truth. And it's new to me."

"Why do you always say that I'm sad and that you always see the truth?"

"Because it's true! It's all written in your eyes. You know you don't need to pretend in front of me. You can tell me the truth or not. You can cry or not. Just remember that with me, you'll always have a choice." At first I thought he was kidding but when I saw the sincerity in his eyes, I knew he wasn't joking. I felt grateful to have someone who will not try to drag the truth out of me but this doesn't mean I'll open up.

I wonder what were his motives to end our friendship. I remember when we were 6-years old, everyday of the summer we would hang-out at his or my front porch and just talk, read or sometimes play with the guys. We had so many great memories together but when we were 10, he just came up to me and told me that we couldn't be friends anymore. I tried to get him to tell me what I did wrong but he just ignored me and stayed with Kendall. I cried to my brother and asked him why was James acting that way but even he didn't know. I miss the good old days.

"Thanks and I'm sorry for not really being a good friend these past years." I said, remembering his sadness this morning.

"No problem. But you know, it's never too late. We can still be friends. I mean look at us now. We're two friends talking and maybe tomorrow or on the week-end we can hang-out."

"By hang-out you mean…?"

"I mean you and me going to the mall because I want to buy a new pair of shoes. Don't worry it's not a date. Come on, Katie, I wouldn't ask a girl out just like that and if it were a date I would've chosen a better place to go. I got better game than that. So what do you say?" I really thought he was asking me out. Although it would have been flattering to be asked out, I don't think I would have accepted. Not because I don't like him, he's cool and all but I feel like there are still some unsolved problems between us. But hanging out will be a good fresh new start.

"Uh, well I'm free all week-end and tomorrow. So you can choose when you want to go." I admitted sheepishly. I just realized that my availability makes me look like a loser who stays at home all week-end. Way to look cool Katie.

"Well I guess we're going to spend the whole week-end together." he said with a smile on his face.

"Wait, what? I thought we were just going to the mall? I don't think it will take you three days to find shoes!"

"You're not busy all week-end right?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Okay, so we will be hanging-out. I don't have anything to do either. Gustavo is flying out to New York for this meeting with Griffin or something so we don't have to go to the studio till Monday. So, instead of being alone, we can hang-out. We can go to the mall tomorrow then you can decide what we'll do Saturday and for Sunday we can probably find something we would both like to do." We were already at the Palmwoods by now. He turned off the engine and turned to look at me so we can talk face to face.

"Um, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why? Because of Chermaine? I'll just set her straight."

"But what about the guys?"

"Well, what about them? If they want to join us then they can. It's not like we're going out or anything. We're just friends and friends can chill for three days. I mean, we used to chill every day when we were kids." I didn't know what to say. He did have a point there and it's not like I'm afraid of Chermaine or the guys. James is pretty fun and it would be nice if we can be friends again.

"Alright then, and for Saturday, well I have an idea about where to go but I don't know if you're willing to drive all the way there…"

"Where do you want to go?"

"Even before we moved here, I've always wanted to go to Santa Monica Pier. Kendall promised me that he would take me there as soon as we settle in but we've been here for more than a year and well… you know, he's just been busy…"

"Katie —"

"It's fine James. I know that things are different now and I accept that okay? And, anyways my brother's world doesn't revolve around me. I can't expect him to spend every waking moment with me. I'm just his sister…" I interrupted him.

"You know that you're not just his sister Katie. You're more than that to him. It's just that being in a band… It's a pretty demanding job."

"James, I said it's fine. You don't need to defend him." I snapped. See Katie, that's what you get when you open up just the slightest bit: you make yourself angry.

"Well, Santa Monica Pier sounds great to me!" James suddenly exclaimed as if the last two minutes of our conversation didn't exist. He always did that when we were kids. He moved on to the next subject when it was pretty obvious that things were probably going towards the wrong turn.

I don't know why but, _YAY! YAY! YAY!_ is what my mind screamed. I don't know why am I this happy. I mean it's just James. It's not like I like him or anything. Right?

"Cool, so yeah, I'll see you later. Bye." I said after I opened my door to get out.

"Yeah, bye Katie!" he winked and waved goodbye as I was heading home.

**James' POV: **

Yes! _Thank you to however is listening up there for answering my prayers!_ Katie and I are finally getting to know each other again and to top it off we'll be spending the next few days together. I didn't actually plan on asking the guys to join us but a little white lie never really hurts. So just a couple more hours at the studio and then my week-end with Katie.

I wonder why we stopped being friends. I just remember when we started the fifth grade, we sort of just drifted apart. But, it seems kind of weird seeing that I always had a crush on her and we were best friends. I should ask her sometime what happened between us.

"Hey where's Kendall?" I asked Logan and Carlos when I got back at the studio.

"Right here. Where were you?" Kendall said as he got out of the bathroom.

"I dropped Katie home." I shrugged. I didn't see any point in lying about my good deed.

"Why?" they all asked.

"Guys, Katie is the sister of Big Time Rush, one of the hottest boy bands of this generation and attends the school right beside the studio and yet, she has to take the public bus to get around. Doesn't that sound really lame to you." I said, not giving them the whole truth as to why I volunteered to drive her.

"Katie doesn't take the bus. I would never allow my baby sister to be confined with a bunch of sweaty, smelly people." Kendall scoffed.

"Uh, yeah she does take the bus man." Logan corrected him.

"Twice a day, almost every day." Carlos added.

"No, she— Why would— Really?" he asked defeated. We all nodded. Katie wasn't kidding when she said that Kendall has been busy. I just didn't think that he would completely forget about her. Yeah, he acknowledges her presences and makes it clear to everyone that if someone dares to hurt her, he will murder them with his hockey stick but, I guess he got too caught up in this new life to really care. He claims that he hasn't gotten Hollywood fever, but maybe he has. Maybe forgetting his twin was his symptom.

"I'm a shitty brother!"

* * *

><p><strong>So there's now a bitch named Chermaine... So Katie and James are going to be hanging-out... So Katie and Kendall's relationship hasn't been going so strong... So I would love to know what you guys think... <strong>

**Urg, my head hurts so yeah, I'll leave it at that.  
><strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**I just really wanted to put out a chapter so hopefully you guys will like it. There's a lot of dialogue in it but I always think that it makes stories much more fun to read.**

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><p><strong>Katie's POV<strong>

"G'morning!" James greeted when I came out o my room.

"Morning!"

"Here you go." he said as he gave me a bowl of my cereal.

"Um, James I don't eat breakfast." I said, pushing the bowl back at him.

"Oh, I know that." he shrugged but still gave me back the bowl. I raised my eyebrow at him. What is he doing? "Katie, you're the only one in this household that eats Sugar Crisp cereal. You think I haven't noticed that it's been a month since I've bought that cereal and its box is still sealed? Frankly, it bothers me that you've been skipping the most important meal of the day, especially with how tiny you are. So you better start eating that cereal before I force it in your mouth."

"Tiny? Is that meant to insult me?" I crossed my arms and glared at him.

"Really? Out of all of that the only thing you retained is me calling you tiny!"

"Well?" I asked. I know that compared to certain people like my brother and James, I am quite short but for a seventeen year-old girl, I can say that I am at the average height for people my age. His comment shouldn't even bother me but I just hate when people would call me small or tiny. It reminds me of how vulnerable I was when my dad abused me…

"Katie. Breakfast. Now. You don't want to be late do you?" he said sternly. When James uses his authoritative voice, you know that you have to do as he says. So, I reluctantly scooped and chewed my food while he ate his toast.

"So what mall do you want to go to?" James asked when we got down to his car.

"I don't mind. As long as you get your shoes, right?" I joked, forgetting our small argument earlier.

"Yeah, do you want to go home then head to the mall or do you want to go directly after school?"

"We can go directly, I have everything I need."

"Cool."

"Cool."

We sat in a comfortable silence, just listening to the radio. I've always wanted to participate in one of those radio contests. They often give good prizes.

"You know someday I'm going to call and win those prizes." James said.

"How do you do that?" I asked astound.

"Do what?"

"Read my thoughts. You always did that when we were kids. I'm curious to know."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you did." I stated.

"What were you thinking of then?"

"I thought that it would be cool to call the station and win something." I said as he parked the car.

"Huh." That was all he could say? Just 'huh'?

"What do you mean by '_huh_'? Please elaborate on your '_huh_'." I asked.

"Don't you think we said _huh_ way too many times in this conversation? And by _huh_, I mean; we must have a connection." he smiled.

"Flirt much?"

"Why? Are you flattered by my flirtatious ways? Do you want me to flirt with you Katie?" he asked as he approached his face closer to mine, a cocky grin plastered on his face. Since we were kids, James always had a way with words. He often got us in trouble because of that mouth of his.

"That's very charming but I've got to go. Later!" I said getting out of the car immediately and trying to calm my incredibly fast beating heart.

"Wait Katie," I heard him call out. I spun around. He was standing between his opened door and car, his upper body propped on the top of his car. God, he is so hot.

"Yeah?" I yelled back.

"It wasn't meant as an insult. Despite how tiny you are, you are still the most incredibly beautiful and strong woman I know." he screamed. There was a chorus of 'awes' by the bystanders who were going to school. I smiled at him before turning around, shielding my face and ears with my hair so he wouldn't see my blush.

**James' POV**

Even if she tried to hide it, I still managed to see the blood creeping up her cheeks. God, that girl is just too cute.

As I was heading back inside my car, I noticed a quite familiar girl at the corner of my eye. She was glaring at Katie.

"Chermaine." I called out after shutting my door and making my way over to her. Her attention snapped at me, and let me tell you, the way her eyes went from anger to full on lust was just plain freaky.

"Oh! Hi James!" she said while twirling her hair around her finger. The way she was eye-raping me was freaking me out. God, I hope she isn't one of those psycho stalkers like in the movies.

"You know you shouldn't have said those things to Katie." I said, shoving my hands in my pockets and discreetly taking a step away from her as she was starting to enter my personal bubble.

Right when I mentioned Katie, she stopped giving me a flirty face and replaced it with an angry look. "OMG!" she screeched. Oh God, that was an annoyingly loud screech. "I was just warning her. Geez, she's such a snitch!" she screeched again, making me cringed.

"Look Chermaine, you're not my girlfriend. You have absolutely no reason to warn her whatsoever" Sometimes I just don't understand how people can let their imagination get to them.

"We can always take care of that. All you have to do is say when." Now, her slut face is back on. Damn, this girl is creepy.

"I was trying to be nice Chermaine, but I can see that nothing gets in that little head of yours. I don't like you, you're not my girlfriend nor will you ever be. Stay away from me and Katie, okay?" I didn't even bother waiting for a response, I left for my car. I admit my tone was a bit cruel but I'm not going to waste my time on her.

"You don't know what you're missing James! What does she have that I don't anyways?" she yelled. _Everything,_ I thought. She isn't as attractive as Katie, personality and physically wise.

* * *

><p>"Katie's at school?" Kendall asked when I got back home.<p>

"Yep."

"Thanks for doing this man. It means a lot that you're watching out for my Baby Sister."

"Oh, he's definitely watching her." Logan told Carlos. Luckily Kendall didn't hear anything or noticed when I hit both of those idiot in the head. Carlos picked a good time to lay his helmet beside him.

"It's no problem Kendall." I told him after glaring at Logan and Carlos.

"Hey James, have you seen any of Katie's friends? Are they hot?" Carlos asked.

"So far, I've only seen two girls with her." I said, referring to Baby Face and Cat Eyes. Yeah, that's what I am dubbing them. "And, they are definitely someone you and Logan would be interested in."

"Hey, what about me?" Kendall whined.

"Please Kendall, we all know you've been sneaking around with Lucy." Ever since Jo left for New Zealand, Kendall barely looked at another girl until Lucy came.

"What? I have not! She's just teaching me some new stuff on the guitar!" he objected.

"Oh, is guitar what we call sex now?" Logan teased. Carlos and I snickered and high fived Logan.

"No." Kendall huffed, making all of us laugh even more.

"So we got the week end off, any plans?" Kendall asked us once we settled down.

"Carlos and I are going to the movies tomorrow. You guys want to come?"

"Nah, I got stuff to do." Kendall said.

"I think Lucy would be offended being called '_stuff_'." I teased. I swear teasing him about this is so easy, he just put that one on himself!

"Very funny James."

"Ouh, we're making progress! You're not even denying it." I joked. He just continued glaring at me.

"What about you James? You coming to the movie with us?"

"Nope, I got other plans."

"Doing what?" Damn, Carlos always has to be so curious. It's okay James, just tell the truth. They won't get mad.

"Uh… I'mhangingoutwithKatie."

"WHAT?"

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><p><strong>DUN DUN DUUUUUNN haha okay, so any guess on what's going to happen in the next chapter ? Here's a clue: someone is going to die... okay no nobody is dying... or is there ?<strong> **Anyways, I have a new two-shot called Cover Girl that I have yet to complete. I don't have much time so I won't be writing my huge ass author's note that I so desperately wanted to write instead I'll just leave it at this. So 3-2-1 CLICK THAT REVIEW BUTTON !**


	6. Chapter 6

**WAZZAAAAA ! :) So yeah, I think it's been almost two months since my last update. Sorry about that anyways, here's the next chapter :) **

**P.S. Don't worry nobody is dying... yet.**

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><p><strong>Katie's POV:<strong>

"What's going on between you and James?"

"What happened with Chermaine?"

"Since when have you guys been a thing?"

"Who flirted with who?"

"Are you guys going out?"

"Why didn't you tell us?" It was question after question and I couldn't even tell who's asking what. Rain and Kestrel just practically smashed into me and screamed a bunch of questions when I arrived at my locker. It's a good thing I'm riding with Jay because they would've embarrassed me in the bus. But, on the other hand, hanging with James is the reason why they're here in the first place. I hate it when you're in a situation that gives you advantages and disadvantages.

This is all James' fault. Seriously if he hadn't shown up and being all sweet again then nobody would even know my affiliation to them.

"Can you guys just stop talking? You're destroying my ear drums!" They didn't hear me the first time so I had to repeat myself.

"Can we go get something to drink first? I'm thirsty. I can't talk when I'm dehydrated." I said.

"Oh! That means there is some juicy news!" Rain exclaimed.

"I never said that!"

"But it was insinuated!" Kestrel then said. There was no point in arguing because they would've done everything in their power just to get me to talk.

"We're just friends." I told them for the millionth time.

"Friends that like each other!" Rain exclaimed.

"What do you mean each other? I never said that I liked him." These girls are great but they always find a way to twist your words.

"So you're saying you don't like him?"

"I never said that either."

"Oh come on Katie! You can't tell us that you can resist his awesome body." Kestrel said.

"I never said anything! Stop harassing me! And, it's not just his body that exist you know. There's something called personality. You two should really learn that word 'cause it seems that the physique only matters to you guys."

"Did you hear that Kestrel? It's not just his body; it's also his personality!"

I sight, leaving them believe whatever they want. They'll never let go of this so there's absolutely no point in wasting my time trying to defend myself.

Yes, I do find James' body incredible. Who doesn't? Yes, he does have a good personality; he's nice, smart, funny and sincere. And, yes, I probably do have an itsy bitsy crush on him. But, that's never coming out of my mouth. Your secrets are never protected in Hollywood, especially when you're a celebrity or in my case, the sibling of a celebrity. Even if I do trust Kestrel and Rain, there's always somebody else out there who listens to your conversations. That's why, I didn't tell them about me and James' weekend plans. And, I'm hoping James didn't say anything either because I know that Kendall will probably make a huge deal out of it.

* * *

><p><strong>James' POV:<strong>

"Look Kendall it's no big deal. It's just been awhile since Katie and I have hung out together and we finally have off on a week-end which happens to be the only time Katie is available."

"You guys are just hanging out? It's not a date or anything?"

_I wish_, I wanted to say but of course, I couldn't. Despite Kendall's uncaring behavior towards Katie lately, he's still extremely overprotective of her.

"Definitely not a date." I assured him, trying not to sound disappointed.

"Fine, you may hang out with Katie." Kendall stated.

I was going to tell him that I didn't really need his permission to hang with her but decided not to push it. It seems that Logan was thinking the same thing because he was about to say something but I mouthed him to drop it.

"James is it really not a date or did you just say that to not upset Kendall?" Carlos asked when Kendall went to take a shower.

"I wasn't lying Carlos. There's nothing going on with me and Katie." I sighed. Why can't they just drop the subject. Katie and I are two grown people who can decide on our own how to spend our weekend.

"Just be careful, okay?" Logan said. I nodded and went to get my stuff for school.

* * *

><p>"You want to take it for a spin?" I asked Katie as she took a moment to stare at my car.<p>

"I don't know how to drive." she said when I opened the door for her. I was always a gentleman. As a kid, I never forgot to say please or thank you and I often hold the door for woman and called adults sir or ma'am, it became a habit as I grew older so I still do it until now.

"It's called learning." We left the parking lot of the school and made my way to Fairview mall.

"Wow, thanks. I never thought of that." she replied with a fake tone of enthusiasm.

"I can teach you. You know, I am told to be a very excellent teacher." I smiled.

"Arrogant much?"

"It's not arrogance; its confidence."

"Isn't confidence what defines arrogance?" she said sourly. I didn't answer back. What was there to say that can top that? And, anyways I know that she enjoys making people speechless so I might as well let her have her fun.

"What if I stop the car and you get out right here?" I finally said to tease her.

"You wouldn't do that to me. I know you're too nice James."

"You're probably right but you don't always have to intimidate me."

"Intimidate? I don't intimidate! I just happen to know what to reply in order for my adversary to not counter." she stated, sounding proud.

"Who's being arrogant now?"

"Me. However, I'm not as lofty as you."

"You're killing me Katie, you really are." We both laughed and then sight at the same time.

"So what kind of shoes do you want?" Katie asked, trying to make small talk.

"I don't know. I just want shoes. Are you planning on buying something?"

"I want to buy shoes too. My Vans and Converses are getting worn out." she said.

"So you have a shoe fetish too huh?"

"Yeah, pretty much. But I also have a book fetish. I'll probably buy another one." she said. I smiled to myself, thinking about the first time me and Katie met.

"What's funny?"

"I was just remembering the day I moved in the neighborhood. I told you that reading was for nerds." We both laughed.

"Yeah, I remember. We were really good friends."

"The best of friends." I said and sighed. We were silent for awhile, both of us reminiscing about the past.

"What happened to us, Katie?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why did we stop being friends? What happened?" I asked.

"You don't remember?"

"Would I be asking if I did?"

"We stopped being friends because of you, you know." she said. How could it be because of me?

"What? Why me? What did I do?"

"You told me that we couldn't be friends." There was a hint of disappointment in her voice and I immediately felt guilty. Did I really say that? I don't remember any of it.

"When?"

"I think it was about six years ago, when we were eleven or ten."

"But why? Why would I say that?" I asked still confused.

"You didn't really give me a reason." I can see the sadness in her eyes and this time it was because of what happened between us. So it was my entire fault. I'm the reason why she ignored me all those years.

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><p><strong>Woah, so James is the reason they're not friends anymore ? :O<strong>

**So hopefully I'll be able to update this sooner, again no promises. I finally figured out how what will this story develop into and how will it end so it's definitely giving me more inspiration to write more. Anyways, let me know what do you think of this chapter. **


	7. Chapter 7

**I have a three hour break. 'Nough said...**

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><p><strong>Katie's POV<strong>

I can't believe he actually forgot that day. I remembered crying for a week because I lost my best friend. I remember him coming over and telling me that we couldn't be friends anymore. When I asked for an explanation, he didn't give me one. I've always tried to ask him what did I do wrong but when I went over to his house his mom would say that he wasn't there or that he's sleeping and when he came over to my house, he would just brush me off and play with Kendall. After being ignored over and over again, I finally understood that James really didn't want us to be friends. So from then on, I chose to ignore him and treat him the same way he did to me.

James stayed quiet and drummed his thumbs on the steering wheel. He often did that when he's got something on his mind. I can see he's upset because of the news.

"Hey James, don't be sad okay? That was a long time ago and we're friends now right?" I said, trying to cheer him up. He looked at me but he continued with his fingers so I knew that when he agreed, he was still blaming himself.

"I'm sorry Katie."

"It's okay. I'm sorry too."

"Why are you sorry?"

"For not trying to keep our friendship. I –"

"No, it's my fault. I don't know why I said that. And, you had every right to disregard me."

"You know what, let's forget about that. We should be happy that we're friends again." I told him and tried to put on a smile. I know that I'll never forget the past but I wanted my James back. Even if it scares me so damn much. I can never get myself too attached to someone. I won't allow it. Because if I do, I'll just get hurt. Sometimes, and in my case all the time, it's just better to be alone.

"Yeah, forgive and forget right _Kit Kat_?" We both laughed at my nickname.

"Yes, _Toblerone_!" I laughed. That's what we used to call each other when we were little. He would always call me Kit Kat and for the fun of it, I called him whatever other chocolate came to mind. Most of the time it would be Toblerone because it was his favorite chocolate.

* * *

><p><strong>James' POV<strong>

I'm really glad Katie and I have reconciled. But I'm still pondering why I ended my friendship with her. It doesn't make any sense. I can't remember that day, it's like I have amnesia. Maybe my mom will be able to help me. I must have told her something about it.

When we got to the mall, Katie replaced her backpack with a purse. I never understood why women drag those things everywhere with them. What's in it? When you're at a mall, you just need money and then you're good to go.

"It's because girls have their needs and its stylish." she explained.

"What needs? Have you girls ever thought that you can be beautiful without make-up?"

"And this is coming from the guy who carries a comb and mirror in his pockets."

"Touché."

"Thank you. And anyways, I never said anything about make-up."

"Yeah, but I'm sure that's what's in your tiny bags." I pointed at it like it's a bomb that's about to explode. She held her purse tight and then explained that she doesn't have any make-up and that her so called "needs" are her wallet, cell phone, hand sanitizer and a square thing that looks like a pack of tissues.

"What's that?" I asked.

"It's a sanitary napkin. When you're time of month comes; you _need_ It." she said. So that's what she meant by needs. I actually learned something new about girls. Lots of girls say that it's not fair that we're guys because we don't have to worry about that stuff. They're right but they shouldn't be blaming us. We are not the ones that said; "Okay, every month, females will have excruciating pain." And it can't possibly be that bad. Can it?

We went to Footlocker first because that's where her shoes were. I checked out the guy section and there wasn't anything that caught my eye. So we went to other shoe stores and I ended up buying some cool Jordan's. Afterwards, we went to the book store across the road because the one at the mall had a small variety of young adult English novels. Her words, not mine.

"Any book in particular you're looking for?" I asked while she was looking at the several shelves. It's pretty cute when she's strolling by the names of the books. Her fingers sort of drum across the shelf and when she picks up a book, they stop and then continue when she's done reading the summary on the back of the book or on the flap.

"Actually, I have a list. However, I always read the summaries of the other ones that seem interesting."

"Seem interesting?"

"Yup, if the cover looks interesting then I read the summary."

"You've already heard of the quote "_Never judge a book by its cover" _right? 'Cause that's sort of what you're doing." I said. She chuckled and nodded before facing me.

"They use that as a metaphor. And anyways, that's not really the best's quote. Everyone judges base on looks because it's sort of a way to understand a part of who they are. Although, we may say we're not prejudice, we are in fact, because you can't know every single thing about a person; you always finish by assuming and then concluding something about him base on looks."

"Or her." I corrected.

"What?"

"You said; concluding something about him. It could be a her." I explained.

"Oh, yeah." she laughed. I'm really glad that I can make her laugh. It's nice that we've reunited again. I hope she knows that she can trust me. That I'm here for her no matter what. But, I know Katie. She'll only talk when she feels right about it. Her ache must be pretty bad if it makes her cry often. She shouldn't feel bad. She's too great and beautiful for whatever problem she has to take over her life.

I want to protect her from whatever or whoever is causing her pain. I want to be the person she runs to when nothing seems right, the person she can hug when she needs one, and the person who can make her smile and laugh. Well, I sort of already am that person. But, most importantly, I want to be _The_ guy. Before, it was just a crush. Today, it's more than that.

That thought put a smile on my face. She's not Katie; my best friend's twin sister anymore. She's the beautiful nerdy girl I grew up and fell in love with.

* * *

><p><strong>Katie's POV<strong>

While I was observing the novels, I sneaked a peak at James, wondering what he was doing. I regretted it immediately because he was looking right back at me although, he seemed to be lost in thought, smiling to himself.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked, while pulling out another book.

"Huh? What? Uh, nothing." he stuttered.

"Stop lying, I saw you." I'm sure right now he's thinking; "Crap! She caught me!" I couldn't help but laugh at him. His facial expression was like the one of a little boy's when his mother catches him eating a cookie before supper.

"You're blushing _Toblerone_!" I said between laughs.

"No I'm not!" As expected, he was in denial.

"Right. Anyways, you go on ahead and think about whatever you were thinking about and I'll go pay for my books."

When I got to the cashier, I was surprised to see Chermaine Renolds! I didn't know she worked here, let alone have a job! She gasped when she saw me and then scanned my items. Meanwhile, James caught up with me and then gave a mean look to Chermaine. I paid for my stuff before James and I left. I turned my head back and noticed Chermaine's gaze following us out the door.

"I think she was happy to see me." I joked while we were heading to the car.

"Yup, she was ecstatic. But don't mind her. She's just jealous of you, and I set her straight earlier." James said.

"You actually think I'm afraid of her?"

"Nope, I was just saying."

"Good, because I can take care of myself and she's nothing compare to the other bullies I had to protect you from when we were kids!" I joked.

"Wait, wait, wait! I know I don't remember much but I'm pretty sure _I_ was the one defending you and not the other way around."

"Nope, you're mind is playing tricks on you again. But you can go on ahead and keep on thinking that _Smarties_!" I teased.

"Whatever." he said and bumped his hip to mine. "You know, I'm just glad there aren't any paparazzi around. They'll probably make rumors about us."

"Yeah, I know but I'm not the one who has a reputation to keep."

"I don't really have a reputation." he countered.

"Oh come on James, you're part of one of the most popular boy bands and hottest guys in Hollywoood!" I stated.

"Say that again."

"Say what again?" I asked.

"The part where you said that I'm one of the hottest guys." he smiled. I should keep my mouth shut more often around him.

"I never said it was according to me."

"What, you don't think that I'm hot?" he asked. _Hell yeah I think you're hot! _was what I wanted to say but of course, I didn't. So instead I pretended to analyze him from top to bottom and I kept on tapping my chin as if I was thinking really hard about it.

"I've seen better." I answered and then got in the passenger seat.

"You know Kit Kat; you really know how to put a guy down"

"Sorry James but you're the one who asked me." I laughed.

"Whatever, so do you want to grab something to eat? I'm pretty hungry." Before I could answer my stomach growled. I immediately wrap my arms around my waist hoping that James didn't noticed. Sadly, he did and started laughing at me.

"I'll take as a yes."

I kept my mouth shut the whole ride to the restaurant, praying that my stomach won't make any more noises. Today really wasn't my day; it kept on going on like a radio. Speaking of which, James didn't bother to turn that on. He just drove on trying his best to keep his chuckles under his breath. When we got there, I practically ran out of the car and in to the restaurant slightly pissed at James.

"Slow down tiger! I know that you're hungry but don't worry the food will not run out." Great, first it's the growling and now, I look like a starved tiger! What a way to impress a guy. So I slowed my pace and wait for him at the door.

When we got our table, we checked out the menu and decided that we wanted the same thing. The restaurant wasn't really fancy so James and I fitted well with everybody else despite the lack of customers.

"So, you're really not worried about Chermaine?" he asked.

"Nope, are you?" She doesn't really bother me. I mean, what can she possibly do to me?

"No, I was just thinking it might affect you."

"How so?"

"It might add to your problems."

"Don't worry James, I can handle myself. I always have." I replied. He really is a generous guy. I know I should find comfort in him and finally, let go of all of the fear and pain I have bottled up but I'm afraid he might leave me again.

It's hard for me to trust the people I love because at some point they'll hurt me or abandon me. I've learned a lot when my... Well him. When he did what he did… He made me seize that no regardless of your relationship with someone, no matter how much you trusted that person, they can easily turn their back on you in a split second. Trust was and still is my regret. That's why now; I can never give it up.

"I never said you couldn't but you don't have to go through things alone Katie, I'm here." I just nodded and stared at the drinks menu.

After a long five minutes, our food finally arrived. It looks so good my mouth watered. I wanted to wait for James to take the first bite but it seems like he was doing the exact same thing. My stomach couldn't take it anymore so I grabbed my fork and ate my food. James followed right after and we both agreed that it was delicious. Lucky for me, he is a fast eater. So when he was finishing his plate I was just at half of mine and it didn't make me look so glutton.

We talked about what's been going on for the past years and some stuff at school. Apparently, James got really into swimming because of me. He even learned how to surf. When we were kids, I tried to teach him how to swim so that in the future if someone is drowning he can save them. I guess he learned pretty well; he's the fastest swimmer among the guys. I told him about school and my friends. He wanted to officially meet them but I just brushed it off. Kestrel and Rain don't have to know about the guys.

When we finished with our deserts and got our bill, James insisted on paying and I kept on insisting not to. We could just half the bill but James is as hard headed as I was so the waiter started to get piss. I finally gave up because this argument was pointless.

"Next time it'll be my treat." I said.

"So your saying there will be a next time?" he smiled.

"Well, we are going to be hanging out a lot. Right?" I tried to hide my blush under my hair which was completely useless because he wasn't even looking at me.

"Definitely." he beamed. "And, you know what else we can add to our plans?"

"Make more waiters angry at us?" I joked.

"Yes, but I was also thinking that I can teach you how to drive. You just have to learn the rules of the road."

"That sounds great but, I don't want to destroy this awesome ride of yours." His car was too beautiful and expensive. I would never forgive myself if I crash it.

"We're not going to be practicing at a place where there's something to hit. You actually think I would let you behind the wheel and run over people?" I hit him when he said that. He's lack of confidence in me is insulting. I'm probably not _that_ bad of a driver, even if my mom is. I don't think I have her genes.

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><p><strong>Woot James fell in love with Katie :)<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**WAZZAAAA :D There's a lot of POV change in this chapter and I'm hoping it doesn't get too annoying or confusing :S**

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><p><strong>James' POV:<strong>

I woke up the next morning way before my alarm clock went off. It was only 7 AM and Katie and I agreed to leave at ten since it was roughly an hour drive. I guess I was too excited for my day with her. I thought a lot about Katie and how much fun I had with her. I can't believe I wasted 6 years with her because of some stupid decision I made. _Think James, think._ There has to be a reason for ending our friendship.

After I got change, I went to the kitchen to phone my mom. I promised her the last time I saw her that I would talk to her more. Although I love it here in LA and would never want to give up my career here, I still missed Minnesota and my mom. As lame as it might sound, I was always a Momma's boy and when I was a kid I used to tell her everything. That was why this phone call to her was important. She might have the answer to my questions.

"Um mom," I said after the usual 'Hi, how are you?' formalities. "Do you know what happened between me and Katie?"

"Katie Knight? Kendall's twin sister?"

"Yeah, her." I said.

"Don't you remember honey? You cried so much that time."

"I guess I was too young because I don't remember anything."

"When I asked you what happened you told me that Katie's dad didn't want you guys to be friends. You told me that he said that you could only be friends with Kendall. I tried talking to him afterwards but that man always seemed to avoid me. He never gave me an explanation for forbidding you guys from being friends. And Jennifer didn't even do anything about it, claiming that she knew nothing of the matter and that her husband would never do such a thing. Oh, how I despise that man for hurting both of you like that!" she explained. Now everything made sense. All of the memories were coming back to me.

I didn't want to listen to him but I remembered what dad told me about respecting your elders and to do as they say. I was going over to the twin's house to play with them but they went to the market with Mama Knight and it was only their dad that was home. He let me wait for them to come back but when I mentioned that I was there to play with Katie too, he got mad at me. He told me that I shouldn't be playing with her because I was a boy and I should only be friends with Kendall. It sounded ridiculous to me but I didn't want to disobey him. God, was I an idiot for doing that.

"Why are you suddenly asking me about this now?"

"We're friends again and I wanted to know what happened."

"Oh that's great honey."

"Yeah, anyways I have to go now. Bye mom." I told her and hanged up when I saw Katie walking out of her room.

As usual, she was beautiful. She tied her hair up and she had a pair of sunglasses on the top of her head. She was wearing a yellow camisole with a white hoodie on top and some jean shorts. And of course she had another one of her bags. But, this time it wasn't a purse; it was a shoulder bag.

"You ready to go Momma's boy?" she smirked at me.

"Hey, I'll admit I'm a Momma's boy but a very fine and sexy boy." I answered back.

"Wow, it's not even ten o'clock yet and you're already conceited."

"Yeah, well it's in my nature." I flashed her my million dollar smile.

"Oh so you do admit that arrogance is part of your character."

"Yup, I guess I did." I admitted which made her laugh.

"Hey Kendork, James and I are heading out. You should probably tell Lucy to do the same thing before mom wakes up." she said to her brother after she opened his bedroom door.

"Wait, is Lucy really in there?" I asked and tried to look in the room but she closed the door before I had a chance.

"Unless Kendall suddenly gained an extra 95 pounds then yes."

"Is Logan in there too?"

"Yup, I guess he either enjoyed the show or they were really quiet."

"Wow those two really can't get rid of their sexual tension." I shook my head and opened the front door for her.

"Okay, can we get off the topic of my brother's sex life? It's not really something I would like to think about let alone discuss."

"Yeah no problem. But there is one thing I do want to talk to you about." I said.

"What's up?"

"I figured out why I ended our friendship. But, the reason might cause some problems. If you don't want to know about it, I understand." I said nervously. Katie already disliked her father for leaving them and I didn't want to fuel her hatred towards him. He must've had his reasons.

"No, go ahead tell me. I want to know."

"I'm really sorry for telling you this, but the reason why I said those things to you all those years ago was because your dad didn't want us to be friends."

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><p><strong>Katie's POV:<strong>

Did I hear him right? Did he really say that my _dad_ is the reason for losing James? I can't believe that man. He used to be my hero. But now I know that even before he… did what he did, he hurt me. He knew James was my best friend and that I loved him very much. My dad saw me crying when James broke our friendship off! Why does my dad care so little about me? He would rather chose tears, disappointment and pain over smiles and joy. If I ever see him again, he better prepare himself for a fight because I can't take anymore of his mistakes.

"I'm sorry Katie. I was just a kid who didn't know much. I shouldn't have listened to him, especially since; he didn't give me a reason." James apologized when we were in his car.

"Don't worry James. I'm not mad and anyways the past is past. Hey, at least the mystery is finally solved. Good job Scooby Doo!" I joked.

"Actually, my mom should be the one getting credit. She's the brains; Velma."

It was a long way to the pier so I might as well get comfortable. I was still pretty tired and I had a hard time waking up this morning. I leaned my head on James's shoulder and closed my eyes, hoping that it won't affect his driving.

"Let me know if my head gets heavy." I said. I wasn't really joking but James seemed to find it funny.

"I'm used to it. Carlos always ends up falling asleep on one of us after practice."

"Maybe he has a crush on you." I joked. With the way Carlos talks about girls, it's undeniable that he's straight but it's always fun picking on their sexual orientation because they're always so sensible about it. You know being in a boy band, the public always expects to have at least one gay member. Quite honestly, it's all just a bunch of bull. Not every stereotype lives up to its expectation.

"That is something you should never joke about especially when there's people around."

"Ouh, did I touch a nerve?"

"Whatever." he finally said which caused me to chuckle. We stood quiet for awhile but then, out of nowhere, Jay started singing. I always loved the sound of his voice. It was very soothing and for some reason, it kept me calm just like Kendall's voice. At night, I would usually have night terrors and the only way I actually calmed down was to listen to Big Time Rush.

"James! My ears! Stop!" I screamed. I can never resist the urge to tease him.

"You don't like my singing?"

"No, not really." I answered even though it was a complete lie.

"Yeah well a bunch of other people do." he huffed.

"Uhuh, but I do commend you though for your courage to actually sing in public." I teased.

"Thanks but I don't see you giving a shot at singing. I'm sure your voice is nowhere near as great as mines." he said. He obviously never heard me sing. I'm not being arrogant or anything, but I have a pretty good voice. I sat up straight and then grabbed his iPod from the car dock. I played a song that started out smooth and then goes high in the chorus. I nodded my head to get the beat of the music before I sang along.

"Show off!" James exclaimed when I was done. I guess I was a bit too loud because the people in the car next to ours started applauding. I thanked them despite my blush.

"I wanted to prove you wrong."

"I didn't know you have great voice."

"Well now you do."

"You should sing for Gustavo." he suggested.

"Not my scene. And I don't want to be famous so what would I get out of it?"

"Well you can prove to people like me that you got one hell of a voice! And anyways there are so many people now who are missing out on great talent. Everybody seems to be getting autotuned and people who can actually sing without having their voice enhanced rarely get the chance to show the world what they can do. Sometimes you just have to jump."

"Jump?"

"Jump, like take a risk. Do the unexpected. You know, just jump, jump as far as you can." Jump. I like that. If only everything were that easy. Sometimes when you jump, you don't land safely.

"You're singing for him Katie."

"If you insist then fine I will, but you better be there."

"Of course I'll be there! I'll be like those girls who scream for celebrities. I'm your number one fan!" he winked. I laid my head back down on his shoulder. At this point, I didn't want to let go of James. I tried to get more comfortable so I wrapped my arms around his. I didn't care if it looked like we were going out or if James was in an awkward situation. All I know is that I can stay like this forever.

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><p><strong>James' POV<strong>

For the first time in years, Katie looked peaceful. She must have been tired because I swear; I thought I heard her snore. Unfortunately, the ride to Santa Monica isn't long enough. There were already a few people on their way to the pier.

When we got out of the car, Katie took out a bottle of sun block lotion and applied it on her exposed skin which is basically just her face, neck and legs. She offered it to me but of course I declined.

"Aren't you going to remove your hoodie?" I asked. It was pretty hot and we will be staying outside all day.

"Nah, I'm good." she answered in a robotic way. If there was one thing Katie was known for, it was her choice of clothing. She would never wear a top no longer than her wrist. If she didn't have a hoodie on, she wore a long sleeved top.

"Did you get a fake tan?" Katie suddenly asked. I'm pretty sure it was to avoid further discussion on her clothes.

"Not since my allergic reaction to one of the Cuda products a year ago. What makes you say that?"

"Because you're always so much darker than all of us even when we lived in Minnesota, so yeah I thought maybe you used a tanning bed or something."

"I play sports and work out so I go outside more than all of you even before we came here." I explained slightly offended.

"Ah, okay. Speaking of working out, I heard you guys were going to do some sort of swim thing?"

"Yeah, we have to go to this charity swim meet thing next month. Basically it's just Kendall, Logan, Carlos and I racing other swimmers."

"Oh well you guys are definitely going to lose."

"Hey, I took swimming classes and if I do say so myself, I am pretty damn good."

"Really now? So what's your forte?"

"Well not that I'm bragging, but I'm pretty good at freestyle 500 meters. I got an awesome time."

"Which is?"

"A little over five minutes." I said proudly.

"Well I don't know if that's any good but since you're saying that it's awesome, good job! Maybe I'll come to the meet. I can scream to everyone that I'm the one that taught you how to swim."

"You didn't teach me! You inspired me. You just kept on making fun of me because I only went as far as I could reach."

"Oh don't cry James! I'm sorry for teasing you. You know it's been awhile since I've actually been swimming." I heard her say that last part in bare whisper. I saw a flash of pain cross her eyes but it was gone before anybody else can recognize it.

"Katie," I began but not completely sure how to continue. I did notice that she would never actually swim when we head down to the pool. She always sat on one of the lounge chairs and often look at us longingly, like she wanted to join us.

"Hey look, they have a cotton candy stand. Come on, let's go get some." she suddenly said and dragged me to the stand. She was doing this to evade her swimming issues. I sighed and let the topic drop. It was supposed to be a day of fun and I intend on keeping it that way.

Afterwards, we went on several rides and then ate. Katie really wanted the huge roadrunner stuff toy. She tried out a game but got instead a medium prize only. I'm quite good at aiming so I played the shooting game, where you have to shoot out the star in the middle of the paper. The employee observed it. It was good so after he screamed that I'm a big, big winner, he offered me the roadrunner which I gave to Katie. I played again for Carlos. He really likes Bugs Bunny and I know that he'll be really upset if we came home with only one stuff toy that wasn't for him. So Katie and I ended up walking around Santa Monica Pier with two huge Looney Tunes toys.

We went on the Ferris wheel when nightfall came. Katie sat beside me and put her head on my shoulder again.

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><p><strong>Katie's POV<strong>

The view of LA at night is definitely breathtaking. You can see the bright lights of the buildings and the moon reflecting on the water. Even if the stars do not shine anymore, the night sky will always catch my attention. Although this moment seems so peaceful and calm, I know that it won't last forever.

That's the ugly truth about reality; it can hide or can be covered by a fantasy but always ends up coming back whether you like it or not.

When we got off the Ferris wheel, James and I decided that it was getting late and that we should head home. I had a great time. We both laughed and enjoyed even after my small mistake of mentioning that I haven't swam in awhile.

James kept an arm around my shoulders while walking down the beach and back to the car. It was comforting and very nice of him. I have to admit that we do look like a couple but I never really cared about what other people think about me. I don't think it bothers James either since he isn't doing anything about it. I was really tempted to wrap my arms around his waist and just hold on to him. But, reality got the best of me, James wasn't mine to hold on to, so I controlled myself. I've always had a crush on James despite the tears he caused me when we were younger. He's really a great guy and the ideal boyfriend. Of course, he has his flaws but I got used to them.

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"When we were kids, you wore your underwear on top of your pants and pretended to be Superman. You told me that I was Lois Lane and that you'll always protect me. Is that still true?" I asked.

"Yes, it is. Why? You want me to beat up some dude that's picking on you? Who is? I'll haunt him down tomorrow." he joked.

"No, no. I was just wondering. You're still my best friend James. You always were."

"Yeah, me too."

"I love you, James." I should've added as my best friend because he might have gotten the wrong message.

"Yeah, I know. Me too." he said before I can add anything. I smiled at him. He smiled back and then we both went to our separate rooms.

After our long day, I felt so sleep deprived. Just changing into my pajamas took a lot out of me. Once I was done in the bathroom, I lazily strutted back to my room and just collapsed on my bed. Sleep overcame me right away and my mind immediately welcomed back my nightmares.

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><p><strong>James' POV:<strong>

_I'm thirsty. _I suddenly thought whilst in my sleep. Waking up in the middle of the night to get a class of water has always been a daily routine of mine so I slowly and quietly made my way to the kitchen. After quenching my thirst, I walked over to Katie's room. This too was part of my routine. I would just stand in front of her door and just think about her for a minute before returning back to bed. I know, I sound like a creep but whatever, I love the girl.

This night though was different from others. Katie's door was slightly open and there were whimpers and cries coming from inside.

Panic washed over me. I barged inside her room, expecting to murder whoever was in there hurting her. To my surprise, she was alone and in bed. What made my heart continue to pound and slightly caused my skin to crawl was the fact that she was tossing and turning and crying in her sleep. The state she was in led me to one conclusion: Katie had night terrors.

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><p><strong>DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN... <strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**WAZZAAAA! :)**

**I've left you all with a cliffhanger last chapter so hopefully you guys won't really be disappointed. The song There, There Katie by Jack's Mannequin is featured in this chapter and all rights go to the artist.**

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><p>"Katie!" I yelled in a whisper in my attempt to wake her up. She was still in a deep slumber so I closed her door and kneeled beside her bed to shake her. I received the same response as earlier: absolutely nothing. Now that I can actually see her, I noticed that there were actual tears falling from her closed eyes. It made me feel like crying too. I've always known that Katie was hurt but I've never seen her so vulnerable.<p>

"Katie, please wake up." I pleaded as I wiped away her continuously falling tears. That still didn't get her out of her slumber. Unfortunately for me, Katie is one of the heaviest sleepers. Waking her up is almost an impossibility.

"Stop! Please stop! You're hurting me! Please! No!" she cried. I can't stand seeing her like this. What's going on? Who's hurting her?

"Katie, please. Just… Just wake up. I don't know what to do…"

"Help! Please, he's hurting me!"

"Who's hurting you Katie? Please, wake up." I begged. What was I supposed to do? How can I help her?

"Urg, Katie please don't kill me when you wake up." I said as I snuggled into her bed beside her. When she was younger, she used to always come into Kendall's room to lie beside him and he'll sing to her until she falls back asleep. Hopefully this will work.

"_Katie, you're a brave girl. And I know it's only just started. But I'm gonna be there at six with some flowers on sticks that were clipped just to make the weak strong. And Katie it's a strange world. And girls can get so broken hearted. But if it were me and the Universe, I'd get the worst of this gong_." I sang to her. She continued to stir a bit but soon enough she snuggled up to me, completely calm and peaceful.

I smiled. This is my Katie. The one who had no problems, no worries.

What ever happened to you love?

Katie's POV

I woke up to an incredible but unusual warmth. I really don't remember the last time I've slept this well and felt so comfortable. I nestled closer to whatever was providing that nice comfort.

And that's when I felt it. Those big pair of arms, that rock hard yet snug chest.

I bolted upright in shocked. I refrained myself from screaming because I knew very well who was in bed with me. The smell of Cuda alone was enough to clue me in.

"James!" I hissed and shook him.

"Five more minutes Mama Knight." he mumbled and actually dared, dared I repeat, to drape an arm around my waist and pull me to him.

"James! Wake up! What the fuck are you doing in my bed?! James!" I screamed. I soundproofed my room so no one in the apartment would be able to hear me. However, despite me really wanting to scream as loud as I can, James wouldn't let me do that since he was practically squeezing the life out of me. One thing I never expected was for James to be a cuddler. And one heck of a cuddler he is. Damn, I really need to breathe!

"Stop Katie." he mumbled again.

Give him a minute…

"KATIE?!" he shrieked, finally releasing me and almost falling off my bed. I guess it's a good thing I got myself a king size. "I uh… I swear I didn't do anything!"

"Really? Then why are you here? In my bed? Suffocating me with your cuddling? Huh?" If I wasn't so peeved about the situation I would've definitely find great entertainment in James' embarrassment.

"You see… Last night, I was getting my nightly glass of water and well… Your door was open and I…" Just the mention of my door being left open allowed me to conclude what had happened. Gosh how can I have been so reckless? The entire room is soundproof but not when the door is open. "I heard you crying out and I… I just couldn't leave and… and pretend nothing was going on… I… I," he continued to explain.

"Get out." I ordered. James shouldn't have been the one to be embarrassed; I'm the one who should feel shameful.

For years I've been having night terrors. Every dream is different from the other but still exactly the same. Each of them revolving around the same person, always reminding me of a past I wish I never had. I can't even count the number of times I've woken up drenched in my own sweat, tears running down my face, my heart pounding and my throat hurting from the screaming I've been doing in my sleep. Nobody was supposed to know. My mom and Kendall didn't need to know that I still feared for my life. Carlos, Logan and especially James didn't need to know I had a fear, period. They all have their own lives and problems to worry about. They don't need me to add to their worries.

"Katie, I-"

"I said get out." I repeated. I couldn't even look at James. I know that if I did I wouldn't be able to hide behind my mask anymore. It's bad enough that he's already been able to slightly see past it.

"No."

"What?" I asked, this time actually forcing my gaze on him. He had his arms folded over his chest and looked… Angry?

"I said no. I'm not leaving, not until you explain what just happened last night. You owe it to me Kit Kat,"

"I owe you nothing," I retorted. Who was he to tell me that I owed him?!

"Katie, I just saw you crying out for help because someone was hurting you. I'm no Logan but I'm pretty sure that that wasn't just some made up nightmare. Something happened to you and I want to know what is it." My heart swelled at the thought of someone wanting to figure me out and uncover the insecure and vulnerable part of me. But it wasn't enough for me to spill about my past. James doesn't need to know about it.

"It was nothing James."

"I don't believe you," he said.

We both stayed quiet for awhile. The only sounds in the room were our heavy breathing; him most likely from anger and myself from aggravation.

"I'm trying to forget James," I finally whispered. "But I can't do that with you constantly asking me these questions about it."

"I just want to help you," he answered, moving closer to me.

"You can't." _Nobody can._

"You don't know that. Katie, s_ometimes things fall apart in order for other things to fall into place_." I let out a small, barely there smile. I know that quote. I've always kept it in mind because it gives me a bit of hope. It's been about two years and I'm still waiting for things to fall into place. However, I'm starting to think that it's never going to happen.

"But you should know that things aren't going to fall into place on their own." I looked at him again. James really believed in what he said. I never thought of it like that. I always had the impression that things will just start getting better by itself and all I had to do was wait.

No words were spoken after. We were both just simply staring at each other, waiting for the other to say something. Finally, James sighs and gets up.

"Come on, get ready. We're still spending the day together and I don't plan on just sitting here."

I smiled and nodded. James would never forget what happened last night but I knew that for me, he would at least pretend to and I was thankful for that.

But more importantly, I was thankful for James.

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><p><strong>So there you go. <strong>**I know it's been a really long time since I've updated and many of you probably know why; I'm not yet back on track with my writing so please don't expect updates anytime soon because I highly doubt it will happen.**

**Anyways, let me know what you think!  
><strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey all! I know it's been a really long while and I apologize for that. This is a short one but emotion-filled too. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy it.**

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><p><strong>James' POV<strong>

"So what's the plan?" Katie asked.

"We can just walk around I guess," I shrugged. She nodded and we both walked out of the apartment. We were both quiet as we strolled around the park, each of us lost in our own train of thoughts.

I kept on passing side glances at her. It never struck me until last night how broken she was. There's a secret she's got hidden inside of her and it's eating her alive. _A past so deep even you could not burry if you tried. _That's what her situation reminded me of – that one specific lyric that will haunt me forever because I know that I will never be able to fix her. She's not a doll made out of porcelain. I can't just glue the pieces back together like a puzzle. Life doesn't work that way.

We need to understand that there are certain things that we just cannot forget or get over. Instead, we should just learn from it and grow and be brave. Time does not heal all wounds because the scars will always be there. But you know what? It's good to have those scars. If you live through them, they are going to remind you just how strong you are for never giving up. That's what I wanted Katie to realize. Yes, she's broken. But she's still living. And to me, that's what's important. That's what I want to help her with. Help her break free from the chains that are pulling her down. Help her soar into the infinite possibilities that this world has to offer.

"What's on your mind?"

"Hmmm?"

"Tell me what are you thinking about,"

"I'd rather not say," I answered.

"Why not?"

"Because it's about you."

"Hm, alright…" she said, walking towards a bench to sit. "I still want to know."

"Really?" I asked, sitting beside her. She nodded and slightly turned to face me, giving me her undivided attention.

I slumped my shoulders and sighed. "Why are you so guarded?" I finally asked.

"Why are you so curious?" she asked back.

"You know you can't answer a question with another question," I say. She just raises her eyebrow at me, challenging me to actually start an argument about that when our conversation is getting serious.

"It just doesn't make sense," I tell her, ignoring what we both have previously said and getting back to what I wanted to know. "How can I know you for so long and still can't seem to make you trust me?"

"That's because trust isn't built upon time. Trust is… It's a foreign concept to me James and I'm sorry for that. I want to trust you, I want to trust Carlos and Logan and my own brother! But I can't. Why? I don't even know. Maybe it's because it will all sum up to one big disaster. Or maybe it's because then I'd have to tell you guys things, things that I don't even want to admit to myself. And it's all just so… hard." To say that I was shocked by how much she confessed is an understatement. I was astonished. What she just said was a lot to take in.

Her lips quivered and she was blinking rapidly. I felt sad. Nobody should ever have so much doubt in their life.

"Let me be the exception." At this point I didn't know what to say anymore. So I did the only thing I could think of: I hugged her. I hugged her really tight even though I know that it won't make things better for either of us.

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><p><strong>Katie's POV<strong>

"Just, please, let me be the exception," James whispered so quietly that I wouldn't have heard him if his lips weren't pressed into my hair right by my ears.

I knew exactly what he was asking from me. I've seen enough Tumblr pages that say _Don't be the reason she doesn't trust guys, be the exception._ I want him to be the exception. But I know that if I tell him what happened, he won't look at me the same way.

Just like how mom and Kendall look at me differently ever since they found out about dad. In fact, they both barely even look at me and I know that this is because they are both strongly driven by guilt. Despite everything that happened, some part of mom still loves dad and this makes it so hard for her to acknowledge me. As for Kendall, he still blames himself for not protecting me. And although my brother is far from being a coward, it's easier for him to believe that I'm all right than knowing that he's failed me. And let's face it, if they both pretended I wasn't around, then loving and hating dad wouldn't hurt so much.

That's why, despite every fiber of my being wanting to, I couldn't tell James. Right now, as pessimistic as it may sound, he's really all I've got. And losing him would hurt so much more than keeping secrets from him.

"I really am sorry James."

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><p><strong> So there you go! I really want to get to the climax of the story so I might speed things up for the next chapters. I really want to finish this story before continuing my other ones so expect from this story and less from the others. Oh and shout out to all of you who have stuck to this story, it definitely means a lot. And another shout out to Science-Fantasy93, seeing all of her updates lately and her new stuff definitely made me want to write some more, so thank you lovely! p.s. you guys should definitely check out her stuff, they are awesome!<br>**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey all! So this is a short one but kind of intense. If it makes you cry then good, that means that I succeeded in making you fall into Katie's character. So here we go!**

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><p><strong>Katie's POV<strong>

It's been a week since my walk in the park with James and we haven't said much to each other but he still drives me around and he still makes me breakfast. I miss him. I miss him a lot and it pains me that I'm the reason why he's so distant.

I've been thinking about telling him about my dad. There are days when I find good reason to tell him. Those are the days when my night terrors are no longer fiction but fact. It's days when I dream about a memory and all I want to do is for James to take away the pain. But every time I'm about to go talk to him, some part of my brain just makes me stop and turn back around. There was this one time where I went as far as being in front of him, opening my mouth and then closing it before walking away. I was so close, so close but still couldn't do it.

My heart and my brain are at war. The former telling me to go for it, and that he'll still be the same James I love. And then there's my brain telling me that he won't be any different from mom and Kendall and that he'll just walk away from all of the baggage I have.

"Knock, knock," I heard James say while opening my door. I quickly wipe away the few tears that have fallen down while thinking about the very man in front of me.

"Hey James,"

"Were you just crying?"

"What?" I say. "No, I don't cry."

"Right, of course you don't," he replies, almost in an annoyed way.

"What's that suppose to mean?" I ask. I didn't like the tone of his voice so I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing. It means nothing."

"Really? Because you sure sounded annoyed to me," I retort. I stand up to get into his face. My arms are still crossed and I arch my eyebrow a bit higher if that was even possible.

James shakes his head and, to my surprise, actually runs a hand through his hair. It's obvious that something in my answer was upsetting him because James never, and I really mean never, runs a hand through his hair. "You're just so…" he started, shaking his head again.

"So what James?" I asked bitterly. I wait exactly five seconds and he still doesn't tell me so I ask again. And still nothing. When I asked him one more time, I felt like the Little Prince who never left a question unanswered. I can see on James' face that he's just about to crack so I repeated myself once again. "So what?"

"So emotionless!" he finally yells. Anger and frustration was evident in his tone.

The harshness in that one adjective struck me to the core. I was already on a high low. But now, it just escaladed to the point where an infinite amount of pain just met an equal amount of anger. My blood was boiling so much that whatever I were to say or do next cannot be accounted for.

"Emotionless?" I spat back at him. "James, I have nothing but emotions running through every part of my being. The reason why you think I'm emotionless is because I'm trying to look that way. Because every single fucking day, I wish that I didn't have all of this anger and pain and sorrow and humiliation inside of me!" I screamed out.

James goes to open his mouth but I interrupt him. "You have no idea how much I want to be emotionless," I whispered. "It's so much better than feeling shitty all the time."

I'm breathing heavily and for the second time today I'm crying. None of that was suppose to come out. But it did. And now he knows that I've been lying whenever I tell him that I'm fine. But that doesn't even matter because he never believed those lies to begin with.

"What's happening here?" James and I shift our attention to the door. Kendall is there with Carlos and Logan behind him.

"It's nothing Kendall, stay out of it," James tells him rather coolly.

"This is obviously not nothing if the entire Palmwoods can hear you yelling at each other! So someone better tell me what's going on!" my twin cried out.

"Right, because you actually care about what's going on," I say sarcastically.  
>"I shouldn't have to explain myself to someone who doesn't even give a fuck," I added, causing James to look at me too. He looked shocked. I've already told James about my relationship with Kendall but I told him that I was fine with it. Carlos and Logan were confused but shock as well. I've never spoken to my brother that way. I guess that's why Kendall looked like he just got slapped in the face, which quite frankly, I think would've been less painful than what I said.<p>

Guilt was surging through me and I had to get out of here. So I ran out, leaving four of the most important people in my life with one of the most honest things I've ever said in a really long time.

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><p><strong>Emotionless... Gosh, you have no idea how much I love that concept. I mean, can anybody ever truly be emotionless? Is being emotionless even something that you are? Or is it something that you feel? Or is it just a way to mask your true feelings like Katie does? It's just a huge mystery to me. Anyways, I don't know if I've mentioned this already, but most of the inspiration of this story came from the song Emotionless by Good Charlotte. It's about their dad walking out on them. They get into what they truly feel and ask questions to their dad. It's one of my favorites and I always play it when I write a new chapter for this story so check it out if you want to.<strong>

**So yeah, review if you liked it or hated it.. Or if you want to give me your own definition of emotionless... Anyways, just let me know what's on that pretty little mind of yours!  
><strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys! Here's another short one. It was supposed to be with the previous chapter but I wanted to highlight each perspective rather than have both kinda fighting for it. It's another heavy chapter, especially towards the end. I hope you guys like it!**

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><p><strong>James' POV<strong>

"What just happened?"

"She told the truth," I whispered so quietly, saying this more to myself than answering Logan's question. I started smiling as realization sets in. "She told the truth!" I repeated more excitedly.

"And why the hell are you so happy that my baby sister told me that I don't care about her?!"

"Don't you see Kendall? She's opening up! That's something to be extremely happy about!" I answered. Of course, Kendall still didn't understand my enthusiasm and just scowled at me even more.

"James she insulted me,"

"No, she told the truth,"

"By insulting me," he retorted.

"Does it even matter?"

"Of course it matters! I'm an excellent brother and I do care about her!" Kendall yelled. I heard Carlos and Logan doing fake coughs behind Kendall, basically contradicting what he just said.

Blondie swiftly turned around and scowled at them too. "You think Katie's right? That I'm not a good brother?"

"Well, technically she said you didn't care, not that you're a bad brother," Logan reasoned.

"It was inseminated!"

"You mean _insinuated_. Inseminated means putting your, you know, semen in a female…" Logan blushed as he corrected Kendall. This, however, seemed to aggravate him even more.

"I don't need your stupid vocabulary lessons right now Logan!"

"Whoa you don't need to get mad dude," I told Kendall.

"I think I have every reason to be mad!" he answered back.

_No you don't,_ I thought as I clenched my jaw.

Very faintly I heard Carlos in the background saying something about thinking about kittens. I disregarded it immediately, my mind only thinking about all of those sad nights Katie's been going through.

"Kendall, do you even realize that you're mad because your sister finally told you what she's been feeling? Since Katie left, have you ever even stopped just for a second to think about what she meant about you not caring? Huh? Did you?" I asked. When he didn't answer I knew that it was a no to both questions but he was still looking at me like he's the victim here and I can't stand for that. "Wake up call Blondie: you've been ignoring Katie ever since we've been here in L.A! It's been more than a year Kendall. And, you want to know something funny? When we had our weekend off, I brought Katie to Santa Monica Pier. Why? Because that's the one place she has been dying to see in California, and guess who promised to bring her? Here's a clue: it sure as heck wasn't me," I snarled at him. I saw guilt surging through his eyes but that didn't mean he was off the hook. I was far from done with him. "Wanna hear another story? She cries Kendall.

She has not only been crying herself to sleep but also crying _in_ her sleep. She's been having night terrors while you're in your room fucking Lucy! But you know what's the worst part? While I'm here constantly failing at helping her and getting her to talk to me, it's your name Kendall that she screams out for! She's been asking for _you_ to protect her from whatever the hell is haunting her dreams!" I yelled, breathing heavily. And quite surprisingly, I had a tear running down my cheek.

I wasn't the only one crying. Carlos and Logan had shocked expressions but involuntary tears were falling down their faces.

At this point, Kendall fell to his knees, his shoulders shaking as he bawled into his hands. He was saying something but none of it was clear enough for me to understand. I wish I didn't have to tell him any of this and that he would just realize it all on his own. But he needed to know, he needed to know right now, because if I can't save her, then maybe he can.

I started walking my way out of the apartment to search for Katie. But as I reached the front door, I looked back at my crying best friend. "I love her Kendall," I said quietly. "I care more about her than anything else in the world. And I won't stand by as she continues to fall apart."

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><p><strong>WHEEEEEWWWW ! James' monologue is probably one of the most intense writing I've ever done. I hope it was good and I'd appreciate your thoughts. Thank you for reviewing the previous chapters and hope to hear from you guys again in this chapter. <strong>

**Oh and I made a cover photo for this story. Photographed and edited the pic myself! (Very proud haha!)**

**Anyways, it's late so peace! And don't forget to vote BTR for the KCAs ;)**

**"The turtle won the race." - Logan Henderson**


	13. Chapter 13

**WAAZZAAAA! Hey so I know I'm late but, how disappointed were you guys that the boys didn't win the KCAs? I was really upset because it's unfair that their hardwork and our support are not fully recognized because Nickelodeon wants to make more money. It's obvious that the sole reason Nick overwrote the votes was because they want to sign One Direction, but they don't realize that 1D is so far gone in their career that Nick is just another tiny unsubstantial company that wants a bite of their success. Regardless, the boys won the greatest fans in the world and that's worth more than any award and unlike the KCAs, nobody can take their Rushers away from them! **

**So completely out of that topic, some of you may remember that I decided to cut this story shorter so the outline changed. In the beginning of this story I had a few OCs so Chermaine (the bitch who wants James and hates Katie) and Rain and Kestrel (Katie's friends from school). They were originally supposed to play somewhat important characters. For example, Chermaine was supposed to find out about Katie's secret and tells everybody at school and James. Kestrel and Rain were supposed to help Katie with her trust issues and they were potential girlfriends for Carlos and Logan. But again, that all changed, I have a different idea/conclusion. So you guys can basically disregard those OCs. I might make extremely small references to them just to tie everything up together.**

**That being said, I have a longer chapter for you guys, next chapter is going to really be the climax of the story and then a few more chapters left. So yeah, sad to say, but this story is almost done. But for now, don't think about that and just enjoy chapter 13!**

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><p><strong>Katie's POV<strong>

_Stupid._

_Worthless._

_Ugly._

_Invisible._

_Unimportant._

_Mistake… mistake… mistake…_

"Katie?"

"Stop! Shut up! Shut up! Stop! Please stop!"

_Good for nothing._

_Foolish._

_Mistake._

"Katie? Katie? Katie!"

_Repulsive._

_Mistake._

"I can't make it stop! It won't shut up!"

_Mistake._

"What won't shut up? Katie look at me! Talk to me! Please, let me help you,"

"No, no, no,"

_Mistake._

"KATIE!"

Hazel. Hazel eyes. Long eyelashes. Straight nose. Rosy cheeks. Thin light red lips.

"James?"

"It's all right Kat. I'm here, stay calm okay?" he said to me. I wanted to nod but I couldn't. My face was between his hands, making me look right at him as he's crouched in front of me.

"Stop crying babe. It's okay, you're okay." I didn't even realize that I was crying. Everything around me is a daze. I don't know where I am or even how I got here. The only things I remember are my words, Kendall's face… and the voices.

Or more specifically, _his_ voice.

So loud, so clear. It was all so real… As if he were right beside me.

"Katie? Katie? Stop! Stop Katie!" I faintly heard James tell me as I was being pulled back by my father's voice.

_Useless._

_Mistake._

"Shut up! Shut up! Leave me alone!" I yelled at him.

"What's happening? What's wrong with her? Katie?" another voice spoke in the background. But I can barely hear them over my dad's raspy, drunken words.

"Can… leave… alone?"

_Stupid._

"No… not leaving…"

_Naïve. Despicable._

"It's okay… I got this… Please… me handle it… Please." I managed to hear bits and pieces of the conversation but I still didn't know who was speaking. The voices were still too quiet for me to distinguish them.

"Katie? It's Kendall. Listen to me okay?" I heard a bit more clearly but still not enough for me to go back.

_I'm trying but he's too loud, _I tried to tell Kendall_._

_Pathetic. Waste of air. _

"He's not here."

_Mistake._

"He's not going to hurt you anymore. He's gone Katie. It's just me. Follow my voice okay?"

_Okay, I'll try._

"Remember when we were younger and there was a brown out and the house was pitch black?

_Yes, so dark… All alone…_

"You were so scared because you were alone in your room. I called out to you, telling you to follow my voice and you found me. Remember that?"

_Kendall…_

"Just do the same thing and follow my voice. Come back. Everything is fine. I know that I haven't been there for you lately but I'm here now. But I need you to come back to me. Do you understand Katie?" Kendall continued talking and I did as he said. I followed his voice, putting my sole concentration on him. As he recounted more stories his voice became clearer and resonated over everything else. My father's nasty words were quickly fading… And I was back.

"Kendall?" I whispered, finally finding him.

"Hey," he smiled as he caressed the side of my head, pushing some of my hair behind my ear.

"I'm sorry," I tell him.

"No, no don't be. I'm the one who should apologize. You mean the world to me Katie and I never wanted you to feel like I didn't care. You should've just come to me,"

"You have your own life Kendall. I can't always run to you," I answered. I looked away from him because it hurt to tell him that. I want to run to him, I want my brother to protect me from the big ugly monster but I just can't ask that from him. Not here, not now when everything is going so right for him.

I felt his hands cup my cheeks and softly forced me to look at him. "Katie the last time you kept something this big to yourself, you could've died. I… I don't want that to happen again. I won't let it happen again," he tells me sincerely. I smile and lean my forehead on his.

I closed my eyes and just breathed him in. "I still see him Kendall. And I hear him and I… I'm just so scared and I want it all to stop," I whispered.

"I know," he whispered back. "I wish I can make it stop," he continued. I felt a single tear run down my cheek, making my skin slightly itch.

"But you can't,"

"No," he answered truthfully. "I can't… And I'm so so sorry for that." I shook my head. _No, don't be sorry._ _Not for this, not for something that isn't your fault._

"I love you," he said after a few moments of silence, making me smile once again.

"More than hockey?" I asked.

"More than hockey," he confirms. Many would say that they love someone to the moon and back. But Kendall… Kendall would always tell me that he loves me more than hockey. And quite honestly, that's far more than the moon and back.

"Hey Kendall?" I asked, suddenly remembering something. Or rather someone.

"Yeah?"

"What happened to James?"

**James' POV**

"James calm down,"

"Calm down?! Calm down?! You didn't see her Logan so don't tell me to calm down!"

"I know, but you freaking out is not going to help her any," Logan countered. He was right, but I just can't not think and worry about Katie.

When I ran out of the apartment, I asked bystanders if they've seen Katie and they all told me that it looked like she was heading to the park. _Of course_, I thought. Katie has always loved the outdoors. Especially trees and stars. That girl can climb up any tree and just sit on a branch for hours and look up at the sky or down at the people as if they were ants. I was really expecting Katie to be up on a tree; that was why I was looking up when I walked around. But as I bumped into people, I noticed a tiny figure completely still by a tree trunk.

You have no idea how frightening it was to find the girl you love be so out of it that she doesn't even realize you're there. Tears were running down her pale yet red face, her pupils were so dilated that you barely saw the brown in her eyes, and she wouldn't stop muttering words. It was hard to understand her at first but when I heard her tell me that it won't shut up, I just knew that she was hearing voices. Who's voice? I have no idea. But I do know that that voice belongs to the same person who haunts her dreams every night.

"She was so scared guys. I didn't know what to do and she just… I just want to know what's going on with her and why is all of this happening,"

"When you left, Kendall was saying something about their dad," Carlos piped in.

"Yeah, we're not sure what was he saying exactly but he kept on cursing his dad and I'm strongly thinking that he's the reason for Katie's… um… behavior," Logan added, choosing his words carefully. "You see, despite what one may say, a child does not simply get over abandonment, especially when it concerns a parent. In fact, many hold on to this abandonment, and of course, it can affect them in different ways. I hypothesize that their dad's abandonment has a direct correlation with Katie's sadness. And Kendall withdrawing himself from her isn't helping any. She most likely feels like she's loosing her brother too. And depending on her perception, she might even think that it's all her fault."

"But it isn't her fault. I'm sure her dad didn't walk out because of her!" I told them. Kendall and Katie's dad left them just a few years ago. I never knew why exactly because the twins never wanted to talk about it. We all let them have their privacy, but if I had known that this was what was bothering Katie, I probably would have probed for more information.

"She needs to know that she isn't to blame," I said, making an attempt to go back to her. However, Carlos stopped me from even getting up from the couch.

"Kendall is with her now James," my friend said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I know he hasn't been all that or anything but give him a chance. He needs to do this for her James. Just let him be her big brother again and then you can go and be her prince charming. So for now, just try and think about something else okay?"

I nodded. Carlos was right. It hurts to admit it but she needs her brother now, not me. So I tried to do as Carlos said. I cleared my head out, breathing in and out.

"Why don't you try thinking happy thoughts about kittens?" he then suggested, interrupting my focus on my breath. Of course, Logan and I looked at him incredulously. Seriously, what is up with him and kittens?!

"How about no," I told him, making him pout. I actually almost laughed at his childishness but a beautiful voice made me stop.

"Don't feel too bad Carlos, he's more of a dog person."

We all turned our heads to where the voice was coming from and surely enough, Katie was there with Kendall right beside her, his arm protectively around her shoulders.

"Kittens are cuter," Carlos scorned and even pulled out his tongue out at me. I just shook my head, this boy is definitely something…

I shoved my hands in my jeans pockets and rocked back and forth. "How are you feeling?" I asked Katie.

"I…" she started but stopped herself. It looked like she was hesitating, as if she didn't know the answer to my question. I noticed Kendall squeeze her shoulder and that made her slightly relax a bit. She took a big breath and nodded to herself before looking straight at me. "We need to talk."

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><p><strong>DUNDUNDUUUUUUUNNNNN! So yeah, as I mentioned before, next chapter is the climax. I'm so excited for next chapter because I've had the climax written before I even published this story! So stay tuned and let me know what you think!<strong>**  
><strong>

**OHHH and also, I wrote a one-shot called I Will Remember You and it's a Kendall/Katie fic, it'd be cool if you read that. It's somewhat sentimental so ch-ch-check it out!**


	14. Chapter 14

**WAZZAAA! Hey, so another short chapter coming your way but as I've said previously, it's the climax of the story; words will be flying, emotions are going to run high, and yes, hearts will be broken. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it!**

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><p><strong>Katie's POV<strong>

I don't know what incited me to tell James the truth. All I know is that I'm tired. I'm tired of crying and living in fear. I'm tired of letting my dad controlling my life. I'm tired of keeping everything in. _I'm tired of not being with James._

"You're right," I go once Kendall, Logan and Carlos retreated to one of their rooms.

"What?"

"You're right. For the past weeks you've been there for me in more ways than I can ever ask for and the least I can do is tell you the truth."

He doesn't say anything. Instead, he's chewing on his bottom lip. "I know," he finally says, looking at me.

"You know?"

"Yeah, Kendall told Logan and Carlos, and then they told me,"

"Okay," I say, not sure how to take that in.

"You shouldn't blame yourself Katie," James says. He walks closer to me and extends his arm out to hold on to one of my hands.

"Blame myself?" I ask. I believed the words my dad told me and in some way accepted the punishment he imposed, but never have I blamed myself for what he did to me.

"Yeah, this whole it's been about him leaving." He doesn't know. He's just assuming, taking whatever piece of information he's got and transforming it into something completely wrong. He's doing exactly what I never wanted anyone to do.

_Stop talking James. Please, don't make me regret this._

He doesn't stop.

"I just wanted to tell you that it wasn't your fault that he walked away. And I know it hurts to lose a dad, trust me I know the feeling. I know what it's like to lose someone you love. When my dad died, it was hard but it shouldn't – "

"Stop!" I ordered, ripping my hand out of his grasp. "Please, just don't compare this to your dad's death. It's not the same."

"It is the same Katie. Pain is pain," he tries to reason.

_No. No you don't understand._

"Yeah, you're right James," I snarl sarcastically. "You and I share the same pain because it hurts just as much knowing that my dad's gone by choice!"

My mom kicked my dad out of the house but I know that he would have left eventually. He kept on telling me that he would've been long gone if it weren't for mom and Kendall, his pride and joy.

"Your dad would have stayed with you and love you if he wasn't visited by death," I add.

James looked like he was taken aback. He never considered the fact that my dad doesn't care for me as much as most dads should. James meant the world to his dad. And because of that, he would never know, or even just imagine, what it's like to be kicked to the ground by your own father. It's his own form of innocence and naivety.

"I'm sure despite him leaving, there's still a part of him that loves you,"

"You're wrong James," I say bitterly.

"Katie, I know you're upset and angry but you can't continue like this. You need to find closure, you need to learn how to _forgive_."

He doesn't know anything. Dad leaving is the last of my worries. Kendall never really told them what happened.

"Tell me," I start with anger so deep in my tone as I pull off my hoodie to expose the skin I've always kept hidden. "Tell me how can I forgive him for this?!" I scream, lifting my arms up for him to read just how much my so-called father 'loved' me.

"WHAT CAN JUSTIFY CARVING ME?!" I cry out.

No matter how many scar removal creams I've used, no matter how many times I would try scrubbing it off while I shower, no matter how many times I wish it was only a figment of my imagination, I can't ever get rid of the words that reminded me of who I was to him. The cuts were so deep that they would never fade away. They were my own pair of tattoos; tattoos I would never ask for or wish upon anybody else.

"Kat– "

"Save it James," I cut him off. "My dad was an alcoholic. He tortured me so I wouldn't tell mom and Kendall about his problem. _That's_ why my dad is gone. _That's_ why he hunts me. _That's _why everything hurts. _That's_ the _truth,_" I say with so much pain.

"Katie, I– I didn't know,"

"No, James you didn't. But as a celebrity you should damn well know that before you judge anyone, you have to know the real story, the story behind everything." With those words being said, I walk to my room, and lock him out. I collapse on my bed and just cry.

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><p><strong>BOOM! So yeah, I bet you guys thought she was going to tell the truth and run into James' open arms huh? Nope, not with me controlling this story. Anyways, I kept this chapter in Katie's POV because there was already so much going on and adding James' part would just really take away from that. I hope you still liked it though! Let me know what you think! :)<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**WAZZAAA! Hello lovely readers, how are you all today? Or tomorrow? Or whenever you read this! I was struck by inspiration at 3 AM and just got to writing this chapter. I've also been having a bunch of new fic ideas and I'm excited to really go back into writing. Woo hoo!**

**I've realized that I haven't thanked you guys as much for reviewing so I'm going to do that now. THANK YOU! Despite the short chapters and long updates you guys have been sticking to this story and I love you all for that! It has also come to my attention that I haven't done shout-outs and dedications in awhile! So again, I'm going to do that now. Shout-out to all of you who have reviewed (BTRluvrusher, symmetricalravenxx8, btrfanfiction1516, MissKissy15, Science-Fantasy93, Greekdagger, and many more!) I'm going to dedicate this one to btrfanfiction1516 because apparently I often end my chapters with cliffhangers... Sorry! It builds up suspense ;) haha! And also, another shout-out/dedication to hedleyfaberdrive101 because I absolutely love Hedley and Faber Drive (well, the old school rock/acoustic Faber Drive, not so much the more tech-y songs)! aha! But yeah, there's your shout-out and dedications, I'll be sure to keep on doing them for the next chapters!**

**But more on this chapter, I'm happy with how it turned out and I hope you guys like it too. I secretly call this chapter 'Deep thoughts with James and Kendall.' You'll understand once you actually read it. So yeah, enjoy the new chappie!**

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><p><strong>James' POV<strong>

Truth.

It's the one thing that Katie cherished the most in the world. She has very so often told us – the guys, Camille, Guitar Dude, the entire Palmwoods – that truth is life. Not many of us understood what she meant by that, but I did. Katie believed that we cannot live rightfully if we cannot separate the truth from the lie. She didn't mean that we _always_ had to tell the truth. No, not at all. It was okay to lie – she did that a lot actually. What she _did_ mean, is that, before judging, before reacting, before assuming, we need to know the truth, we need to know the reality of things because our life is the sum of our actions and our actions are the sum of what we think is true.

"Hey buddy," I hear Kendall say. I turn around from my spot on the floor to see him sitting right beside me.

"I really screwed up man," I tell him.

_Truth is life._

I knew that. And yet I still assumed. I created a false reality and convinced myself that it was the truth. I connected the wrong dots. I added the wrong numbers. And now I have to live with the consequences.

"I know, but anybody could've done the same mistake,"

"But it wasn't just anybody, it was _me_," I cry. "And I think that's what makes it worst."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm _her_ James, Kendall. I'm not supposed to make these kinds of mistakes. I'm supposed to help her and protect her and _understand_ her. But I didn't,"

"James, you can't beat yourself about this. Yeah, she's mad but she'll get over it. Let her think things through. You should be sleeping now, getting some rest, not sitting outside her bedroom door,"

"This isn't just about what happened earlier Kendall. This is… It's about _everything_," I say. "Before all of this, before L.A, before your dad, before turning my back on her six years ago, she was happy Kendall. She was the girl next door who read books and refused to wear dresses. She was spunky and never let anyone hurt her or her friends. She was just like you. I think that was why we all got along with her despite her being a girl. And now… now she's scared and hurt. And I should've done something, you know? I was her best friend and just because I had to listen to the adult – a really crappy, despicable adult might I add, I ignored her and let her down. And even when I saw how much she's changed, I still didn't do anything. It's just now that I finally get the balls to really talk to her and try to be friends again. And then right when things were looking up, I disappoint her again with the showdown," I explain to him.

The 'showdown' – as Logan and Carlos put it – earlier happened so fast. One minute I'm blabbering about abandonment and forgiveness and then the next Katie is showing me these – _her_ ghastly scars. Right arm: _mistake_; left arm: _useless_. The writing was sloppy and disjointed but still so clear. The dark color and thickness of the blemish exhibit so much contrast to her pale skin. Just thinking about those scars made me feel uneasy; I can't possibly imagine what it would feel like to _live_ with them. My mind can't even wrap around the fact that someone, let alone your own father, can extort that kind of pain on a human being. But then I realize that I've caused Katie pain too by betraying her the way that I did.

"I'm just as bad as your dad…" I conclude to Kendall.

"No," he says right away. "I've hurt Katie too. You weren't the only one who abandoned her and we all know that. But what makes us different from that man is that we know that we hurt her and are willing to mend our wrongdoings. We would never torture Katie the way that he did. What that creature did to her was inhuman, vile and shameful. And he deserves to rote in hell.

"You're nothing like him James, you understand?" he asks. I don't answer, I just blink away tears. "Do you understand me James?" he repeats, so I nod because I did understand him and I did believe him.

We were quiet for a bit, both of us welcoming the comforting darkness and silence of the hallway to gather our thoughts and muse over everything Katie. I reflected on how I ended up here on the cold ground, leaning against a special girl's door. After the showdown, Katie ran into her room and I ran after her. But the fast girl locked herself in before I can even talk to her again. I knocked and pleaded for her to talk to me or at the very least unlock the door, but she didn't. Kendall, Carlos and Logan came out of their room shortly after. They were all crying – they had eavesdropped on our fallout – none of them, not even Kendall, knew that her dad carved her. Kendall told us what happened the night he found out. He said that him and Mama Knight just saw his drunk ass laying on the kitchen table and when he found Katie, she was over the bathroom sink with the water running on an open knife wound on her arm. She told them that he was constantly drunk when she came home from school and that he threatened her to keep quiet. She said that she had a few scratches but never did she mention what was under her arms. They asked me about the carvings, but I didn't say anything. I don't know why but I just couldn't tell them what I saw, it didn't felt right. This made me think about why Kendall kept quiet about all of this in the first place.

"Why didn't you ever say anything to me? Or to Carlos or Logan?" I ask him.

"Because it was never up to me to tell," he answers. "There's no doubt in the world that I hate my dad. But I'm far more embarrassed by what he did. I mean how can we have the same DNA running through our veins? What he did isn't exactly something you want people to know about. And Katie was always a closed book. She never let people see that she was hurt because she didn't like pity or sympathy. She was always strong. If I told you guys, you would've looked at her the way mom and I look at her sometimes and she wouldn't have liked that," he explains.

"And how do you look at her?"

Kendall doesn't answer right away. Despite the darkness I can still see his face, a few tears were streaming down. He closes his eyes and slowly says, "Like she's the saddest person on the planet,"

My breath hitched at his answer and I too shed a few more tears.

"That's because she is," I tell him broken-heartedly.

"I know. But I'm going to make things right for her James. She needs me, the _real_ me, back in her life again. But she also needs you. Katie deserves the right to be happy again and I know that I can't make that happen without you. Today we've uncovered so much about her and about ourselves so now we can fix things and turn all of our lives around for the better," he says.

I nod and tell Kendall, "Truth is life." Because with everything that's been unveiled we'll be able to move forward, toward a brighter and better future.

Katie's never going to be emotionless ever again; instead she's going to be emotion-_full_. Happiness and bliss and love is going to radiate from her. You'll see, I'll make it happen. I'm going to make it happen.

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><p><strong>BOOM! Yep, that was 'Deep thoughts with James and Kendall'!<strong>

**So before asking you to tell me what did you think of the chapter, how many of you are going to see BTR in concert? I can tell you who's NOT going... ME! Because they don't have any tour dates in Canada.. It sucks but thank the internet gods we have Youtube!**

**But yeah, there's my little 'I won't see my (future-husband) Logan again...' Yeah, don't judge me hahah**

**Anyways, I love reviews... and I'm (almost) sure that my future-husband Logan loves reviews too.. So you should click that button and type something up!**

**Thank you all once again! **


	16. Chapter 16

**And she writes! So I have come to the conclusion that I must be attending school to actually get back into writing. It's really weird but whenever I procrastinate with school work it's because I'm hit with inspiration and want to write and write and write. Anyways, thank you all for the wonderful reviews and I know that you've all been patient so I'll leave you with this chapter.**

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><p><strong>Katie's POV<strong>

38, 39, 40, 41.

There are 41 glow in the dark plastic stars stuck on my ceiling. I counted them again, and again, and again. And every time I counted, I got 41 stars. Always the same number. Always constant.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

There are five people in my life that really truly matter. Five people that I will always love and somehow know that they will always love me back. Just like the stars on my ceiling, that number is unchanging.

Constant.

Because that was what mom, Kendall, Logan, Carlos and James have always been in my life: constant.

They've hurt me, yes. They've disappointed me, yes. But I've hurt them too, I've disappointed them too. But at the end of the day we still care about each other, we laugh together, we apologize (sometimes a little late, but never too late), we forgive, we make each other happy.

"She was happy Kendall. She was…" My thoughts were interrupted by the soft murmurs I hear outside. I tried to focus on what the person, who I assume is James, was saying to Kendall but I only got bits and pieces of their conversation. So I crawled out of bed, not so gracefully but it didn't matter because I know that they wouldn't hear me even if I screamed my lungs out. I pressed my ear to the door. From the resonance of their voices, it seemed like they were right on the other side, pressed up on the thin piece of wood just like I am.

"I'm just as bad as your dad," I heard James say.

_No._

Nobody, _especially_ not James, can be as bad as him. No. No, James.

"You're nothing like him James, you understand?" Kendall said. I waited for James to say yes, but he never did. Instead, Kendall just repeated himself, and yet again I was met with silence.

_Please believe him James. You're amazing. You're… you're the best thing that can ever happen to a girl like me._

I wanted to go out there. Convince him that he's wrong 'cause God, he's so wrong. But something Kendall said stopped me. I wanted, _needed_, to hear what more they had to say.

"You would've looked at her the way mom and I look at her sometimes and she wouldn't have liked that."

"And how do you look at her?"

"Like she's the saddest person on the planet." Once those words were out of his mouth I couldn't help the tears from falling. I covered my mouth to suppress my wailing. But I remembered that my room was sound proof so I let myself bawl and choke up as I continue to listen in on James' and Kendall's conversation.

My heart was pounding and it felt full, but this time it wasn't because of the pain I carry. It was because someone cares. Both of them care.

Love warmed me up. _Their_ love warmed me up. And for the first time in a really long time I smiled, really truly smiled because I'm _happy_.

One of them was rustling, probably getting up. I assumed it was Kendall.

"_And Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in your condition the sunshine's been missing but Katie, don't believe that it isn't there. Oh and Katie, Katie be happy this world could be ugly but isn't it beautiful?_" James sang quietly to himself.

I let out a small chuckle and wiped off the tears from my face and opened my door because right now, at this crestfallen but still very hopeful moment, we just needed someone to fall on to.

James and I needed to fall onto _and into_ each other.

But of course, I didn't exactly mean that literally, which is exactly what James just did_._

_Oomph!_

"Ow,"

"Oh shit I'm sorry!" I said to James, who is sprawled at my feet.

"Nah it's fine, I think your toe broke my fall," he said, making me laugh softly.

"Come on," I tell him, putting my hand out for him to reach out.

Once his hand touches mine, I see him smile, making me smile too because I know he feels it. He feels our connection, our unity; a bond that both of us know can never be broken, because if we face the facts, we somehow always find our way back to each other, like we're meant to be.

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><p>"Every time I would close my eyes he would be there and I become that little defenseless girl. I'm just constantly brought back in time and I never know what to do," I said softly.<p>

We were laid down on my bed, facing each other with only a few inches separating us. We spent the first hour together just talking and then I told him everything.

And he listened. He didn't run away. He didn't look at me differently. He just listened.

And it was then that I realized that that was all I needed from him. He has already done everything that he possibly can but all he had to do was listen. And of course all I had to do was tell my tale.

"I wish I can just take it all away," he said, his thumb caressing my cheek. "Help you somehow."

"God, you're so perfect," I tell him, placing my hand over his and bringing it to my lips, pecking his palm. "You don't know how much you've already helped me James. You make the bad go away. You're Superman remember?"

"_I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane, I'm more than some pretty face beside a train…_" he sang.

"Yeah, you're right. You're more than Superman. You're James. _My_ James," and at that I pulled him to me and kissed him.

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><p><strong>BOOOM! yeah, that totally happened. I am determined to finish this story so there's probably two or so chapters left. So yeah I'm actually excited because this story has been out for so long and it's very different from the other stuff I've written.<strong>** Anyways, let me know what you all think :)  
><strong>


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